Baby Love

[clare]

I do use the eco disposables that biodegrade though, but again they're not locally produced, so you can tie yourself into all kinds of knots

Those German ones? They're more than twice the price of regular nappies!

Like I said, you can tie yourself in all kinds of knots. It was the decision I made.


Edit for page-break related clarity

[Bernard]

Don't tell me there's an article called 'The Case Against Not Smoking'! I assume any plans I make now, before meeting the baby and seeing what she's like, are essentially contingent. I plan to breastfeed, but if it doesn't work, it doesn't. I won't let her starve. I plan to use the reusable cloth diapers and keep a stock of flushables for backup/traveling/etc. but if they don't work, they don't.

I assume that whatever people have been doing consistently, they've done because it works for them. Pregnancy and parenting brings out an astonishingly horrible and intrusive side of other people (not you guys, and actually not much online, but loads in person) so I'm trying to remember that I'm not the one who has to bear and raise other people's kids, so I should mostly keep my trap shut.

[Johnp]

[Johnp]

Like I said, you can tie yourself in all kinds of knots. It was the decision I made.

Agreed - wasn't having a pop. We used them for #1 before realising we could get evil nappies and formula for the same money and still have change left to feed ourselves!

Funny how (my) eco credentials are in inverse proportion to the depth of the recession...

[clare]

For sure! I used to work selling organic fruit&veg, so therein lies my committment. My family is lucky that we get to make that decision. I also still get a good discount from my boss. I think she's hoping I'll come back and work for her again. All up I probably pay a third more for eco/org stuff, which is still a committment, but not as bad as the double that I'd be up for otherwise. The German nappies didn't exist when #1 was a baby, but there's a local company that do flushable/biodegradable inserts for reusable covers. There's also a Swedish brand that are cheaper, but not as good I reckon, and another local company used to make some that were way cheaper, but they stopped making them about 9 months ago.

[Bernard]

Rawesome:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cCKwO1vgvdc

[clare]

Ooh look, more breastfeeding controversy.

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/press-twisted-my-words-says-academic-in-breastmilk-row-1766147.html  (just in case we didn't have enough)

[Bernard]

Oh, zing. That doctor sounds pissed (off).

So I've started looking into sleeping arrangements, and it seems this Arm's Reach Co-sleep bassinet is a unique product -- it's a bassinet with one side that can be lowered and the whole thing attached to the parent's bed. The baby is in her own space, without the soft blankets and pillows of the parental bed (and which are cited as dangerous for infants) but I don't actually have to get out of bed myself to touch her or pick her up. It converts to a play yard for when she's old enough to pull herself up. I'm a bit surprised that this is not a standard design for bassinets, and wonder if it's just because other people haven't thought of it yet, or if there's something bad about the design that's not obvious to me. It's got generally good reviews -- the critical ones seem to have to do with the mattress being lumpy or the product being difficult to assemble, rather than about what makes it unique.

 

[clare]

I have heard nothing bad about about the Arm's Reach. Only good things. Oh, except it's a bit pricey, but you could pay more for a free-standing cot, or if you're buying a bassinette then a cot. My only beef is that it won't fit on my bed, so do check for that, but they're really up-front about the heights of beds it will fit, and the leg height does adjust pretty well.

[Bernard]

Oh hey, I found the right code for white-out. For those who would rather not know about some medical unpleasantries.

It's interesting to look back on this and see how things worked out -- breastfeeding is coming along really slowly and painfully -- poor latch, check. Mastitis, check. Excessive weight loss after birth (both baby's and mine, apparently), check. Milk blister, check. And pumping every three hours is eight times a day and I've been doing it for three weeks now. Around that 150th pump, you get real fucking tired of the pain. But the thing I didn't anticipate is how much I would hate the idea of bottle feeding because of the loss of the benefits to myself, rather than the baby. She is not a fan of formula, she takes in a lot of air, she spits up, etc., but really, she could probably adapt to it, we could buy a more expensive formula that's more broken-down. But I get really frantic at the thought of missing out on nursing her -- I didn't even like taking a break when the first wave of fever from the mastitis hit me and I was all super basket cased.

We never had a chance to sort out cloth diapers -- we have three very nice organic prefolds from Under the Nile and that's it -- no fastening mechanism of any kind, so we've kept using the totally horrible disposables that leave little blobs of chemical gel behind that I am trying not to think about because I only see sunlight like once a week now. We got a crib and jammed it up next to the bed as an improvised co-sleeper, but honestly, she sleeps in somebody's arms  for all but about two naps in the middle of the night.

She's only had two dirty diapers, by which I mean she's only twice pooped without somebody anticipating it and being en route for the changing table (we don't always get there in time), so that bit of EC is going swimmingly. We're still working on finding a hold she likes, so for now she's most comfortable hanging out on the changing table with an open diaper under her until she's ready to go. She's never had to sit in a dirty diaper for longer than it takes to get upstairs and get her clothes off, at any rate, but this is as much because she's constantly carried as it is because of any great luck with EC. Though at this point, I figure that's just as good. What hasn't been so great is finding diaper-free time -- she's just not very often awake and not either nursing, crying, or seeing visitors. See also tummy time, which she hates.

All in all, we're doing ok, and trying to add in one thing at a time to our routine as we work toward our goals for her, but really trying to focus on making it as low-key and stress-free as possible, given the circs.

[clare]

  feel free to email me if you want. You're doing a great job there. She's lucky to have you thinking so well about her,

[davy]

Davy, I'm curious -- did you find you used a stroller more because you used the basket to carry stuff, or did you just carry him in your arms? Why was the sling not useful? I'm not worried about the expense, a friend will sew me one, and we did already get a stroller, but I'm curious about your experience.

I totally missed this, sorry!

Regarding the strolling, we had (a very basic and inexpensive) one with a place to hang shopping bags and drop keys/phone, and two drink holders. I appreciated those amenities as much as I appreciated not having to carry Finn everywhere. I never needed to use his seat for those sorts of things, because I could hang them off the back or whatever.

Both of the slings we had were problematic for me in the same ways: a) awkward to get on and difficult to position optimally, and b) HOT, especially in the summer (but I'd get big sweat splotches even in winter, and I'm not a prodigious sweater. The first was strapless, the second was a god damn clusterfuck of straps. I never could figure out how to don it without a second person helping.

I mean, they did come in handy at parties that ran late. Finn could snooze and we could keep socializing. It was a little silly having rambling discussions directly over his sleeping head, but everyone got a big kick out of it.

And lastly, I have done A LOT of arm-carrying in the past three years. In fact, I'd probably weigh 15-20 lbs more if not for the constant weight-lifting/aerobic exercise.

[Bernard]

We currently have a seriously bitchen stroller, which I think will see more use when she's older/we go to places like the zoo. For the moment she's just being held, but my wrists and elbows are already starting to show wear. We got a Moby wrap which I like a lot, but which is also a lot of work to put on -- to use your terminology, it is a clusterfuck of wrapping.

[kadiekatRN]

Bernard, it sounds like your situation is pretty similar to my sister.

She planned to breastfeed, but her milk production was very low, and feeding was painful.  The babies didn't really like breastfeeding at first, poor latch, etc.  They wound up needing to do a lot of formula supplementation.  She still pumped every other feed and breast fed every other feed (also 8x/day total) in addition to the formula.  Even now, 3 mo. later she feeds and/or pumps 4x/day, even though she has never pumped more than an ounce.

They had a lot of problems w/ swallowed air, gas, and spit-ups.  They bought a Dr. Brown's pitcher that has a mixing device that doesn't agitate the formula so much when they mix it.  They also have those Dr. Brown bottles that divert the bubbles that enter the bottle so it d/n mix w/ the formula. They also give simethicone drops frequently.  All of these things have helped tremendously.

It seems like no matter how much you plan, things work out how the work out. 

[Bernard]

We have a Dr Brown's bottle as well! Today my starving darling was at it for nearly three hours until I cried bottle. I know this kind of nipple machismo is not good for me but I get pretty upset at the thought of having to keep her on formula forever. That stuff smells horrible and gives her all the same problems as your sister's baby, not to mention it's expensive as all get out. We're looking into an even more expensive one, though, which is supposed to be broken down even more and easier to digest. Hopefully that will help her tummy.

I hope things continue to improve for your sister. A friend of mine said that something clicked around the third month and things got much easier. I'm coming up on six weeks and every night at about 4:30am I promise myself I can quit then, then at 8am I tell myself I can still make it to 3 months.

[davy]

Yeah, I always hated the idea of formula, but a baby's gotta eat!

[Bernard]

So after my formula freakout, I just buckled down and started wearing breast shields (like an athletic cup for your nipples) around the clock except when nursing, and every time she so much as looked at me I pushed a boob in her mouth. She is down to just one or two bottles a day, the rest is all mom.

YES.

Also we're back into trying to EC more actively, and today she PEED IN THE TOILET! Well, peed on the toilet. But that's only because the toilet doesn't extend farther. My amazing girl! She's seven weeks as of yesterday! You know I'm going to start telling everybody she was toilet trained at seven weeks (and only wore diapers for another two years as 'backup').

YES!

[davy]

Very nice! Good goin', mom!

[andronicus]

what's EC

[Good Intentions]

Elimination communication -- babies give of cues when they're about to give off waste products, and in many parts of the world the main way to deal with baby needing a weewee is to pick up on these cues and handle baby appropriate (like holding her over the toilet).

[davy]

[x-post]

"Elimination communication"--it's a method of potty training where the caregiver pays attention to certain bodily signs that an infant needs to use the potty. The caregiver then proceeds to try their damnedest to get the child to the potty in time. After a while, the child gets the idea.

Cuts way down on diapers, obviously, but it's pretty labor intensive. We didn't really have much success with it until Finn was older, so definite kudos to Bernard!

[Bernard]

I can't take that much credit -- both Aaron and his mom are on board. It's commonplace in Singapore, and apparently Aaron's grandmother does it with any child she can get her hands on, so his mom already knew what to do, and in fact she says that if I was willing to spend three months putting the baby on her potty every half hour and waiting a long time, singing a potty song, she'd be out of diapers by the end of it. The down side, she says, is that the baby will then become a finicky pooper and only want to go in her own bathroom, on her own potty, and will be miserable if we're in a store or something and she needs to go. Apparently this happened with all the grandkids! My sister in law is actually still kind of like that. Not the part about the potty, obvs.

[clare]

Nice one on the EC Bernard. I wish I'd been better at it with E, but I just couldn't get his wee cue, and didn't capitalise on the poo cue...Ah well.

Congrats on the boobing too! I was going to say, but never got around to it, even though it seems like witch-doctory, cranial osteopathy can help with feeding problems. If a baby's head bones are out of alignment then their palate will be out of alignment too, and it will hurt them to suck, so they won't take the whole nipple in, and mum gets blisters and cracks. Big boy was born with a large hematoma (really long labour, and lots of pushing before everything was ready), and had great problems with feeding until he was about 8 weeks old and one day he screamed all day, wouldn't feed and by the end of the day, the hematoma was gone. He fed OK after that, and we finally had an appt with a cranial osteopath a couple of weeks later who gave us an exercise to do where he sucked on a finger and we gently pushed on his palate. Before, feeding was unbearable, and if I hadn't been so militant about BFing I'd've given up after about 3 weeks, but I _really_ wanted to do it. I had some good support from lactation counsellors too, but they couldn't really figure out why he wouldn't latch on.

Anyway, I'm glad you and HT are figuring it out, it's a lovely journey.

[Bernard]

This morning she peed IN the toilet! Truthfully, I think it's not that she has any idea what the hell is going on, nor am I reading her cues -- I just know that babies with dry diapers who've woken from a long nap after nursing will probably need to pee soon, so I timed it right. But hey, that's one dose of pee away from her bottom. I'll take it!

As of yesterday, she's almost completely off the formula. We offered her a one-ounce bottle one or two times and she didn't finish any, although she did drink all the expressed breast milk. She spat up copiously all over grandma's cashmere sweater as well as the baby blanket she crocheted for her, so grandma is a lot more cooperative about handing her over to be nursed (she will drool a little after nursing but never spits up).

I do worry because she's got fewer wet diapers, though this can be hard to judge -- I am the most meticulous about taking notes, and all three of us have different ideas about how often to check for a wet diaper, and these have evolved as she grows older and we get less panicked about A BABY A BABY OH MY GOD WOW WHAT DO WE DO. She seems ok, though -- she nurses well and regularly, she's happy and alert when you're not TORTURING her by trying to bathe her, change her clothes, lie in her crib, etc.

[clare]

Way to go HT! Timing is a large part of EC, they say. I have a total hippie of a friend who maintains  this site (which I've just noticed has a "translated into North American" version) which is very very dense, but has some great info if you're looking for more, but sounds like the grandmother-in-law has it sussed.

Good to hear that the EBM is still a hit, and that it doesn't make her spew like the formula does. My boys were both chuckers. The Big one fairly happily, but Erik had (still has, I think) reflux, and was miserable lying down for several months.

That thing about baby torture is so true. Big boy in particular hated having stuff done  - clothes off to have a bath he screamed, put in the bath he screamed, then taken out of the bath he screamed, and getting him dressed again, he screamed. He just liked the status quo of the moment I think - not good at change. he'd adjust to the thing we'd done, then get cranky that we'd changed it again.

Yay babies! (wishing I wasn't 40, and that I didn't get PND - I'd have more)