Where I am putting this poem that I just wrote,

[coldforge]

Because I don't remember where any of the other threads are that were suited to it.

This is something I very rarely do—publishing these things, at any point in their lives, in any place—but I figured I'd see what happened. I just wrote this tonight and have not at all revised it.

I would be a Suckling,
Given over to flattery
And devoted to games;
   And I would raise a foolish force,
   And acquit myself ably;

I’d love my many joys and works—
A single stroke on the page,
In happy relation to my art;
   And I would tumble from this world
   In cheerful reason.

But I was born to poor humor,
And this world has found me
Unreasonable;

My stroke is pocked and punctuated
By the drops from this old unhealing wound,
The malformed seat of my vigor.

I would note well, though
How Suckling died, and where,
In dreadful dearth of reason;
   And note the iron in his ink,
   And bear him pity.

[jebreject]

Roses are red
Like the pointy hats on gnomes
Coldforge is lovely
And so are his poems

[jebreject]

"... pocked and punctuated/by the drops"

that's is good stuff there

[elpollodiablo]

That's funny, that's the one line I stumbled over!

[Black Amnesia of Heaven]

"acquit myself ably," "tumble from this world / In cheerful reason," that's some good phraseology there

personally i stumble over "this old unhealing wound"

the structure is awesome

[coldforge]

As long as you all are stumbling over different things, I'll keep them in. Statistically it seems like a wash.

[elpollodiablo]

the structure is awesome

[coldforge]

Thanks, guys!

[jebreject]

yes, joining in the structure-cheering chorus

[dieblucasdie]

My stroke is pocked and punctuated
By the drops from this old unhealing wound,
The malformed seat of my vigor.

Swag

[elpollodiablo]

Needs more Britney Spears references

[jm]

Dude I like it! And you know I don't take too well to poetry.

[peacocks]

The malformed seat of my vigoooorrrrr! I want to shout this from a rooftop. That's some good shit cf. For some reason when you say suckling I picture a duckling which makes the whole thing more tragic and a little cute.

[elpollodiablo]

Dude I like it! And you know I don't take too well to poetry.

Me neither!

[jebreject]

Why hasn't Fish Jim shown up yet?

[coldforge]

Ha! Not to his taste, no doubt.

[elpollodiablo]

So I don't know from meter, but what's going on there?

[Bernard]

Ha! Not to his taste, no doubt.

dude is not a hater, I'd wager he just hasn't looked yet

hi-5 cat to your poem from me

[coldforge]

So I don't know from meter, but what's going on there?

The triplets are pretty free; earlier drafts I tried to keep the stanzas more even but they work better ragged. The couplet 'turnarounds', at the stanzas that have them, are more regular, though not totally so. The first line of each is roughly an iambic tetrameter, and the second is roughly an iambic dimeter with a feminine ending (an unstressed syllable at the end); though the irregularities ('and acquit myself ably', eg) betray that I was composing more in mind of numbering stresses than feet.

In any case I like that they feel like refrains, like in a folk song. I think this format gives one good flexibility and good structure, and I might see what else it's suited to.

[clare]

"... pocked and punctuated/by the drops"

that's is good stuff there

Yes!!! alliteration/onomatopoeia.

[fishjim]

holy Ancient Aural Autochthons, coldforge. where did you find that Ear?

like pollo, i'm a bit unclear on the meter, but it works, which is remarkable. it's got an internal music driving it.

just one edit: replace the last line with, "And be afraid."

wrote this in one night, my ass.

[coldforge]

Actually, I very drunkenly wrote the first line one night (including the note "But I bear a wound"), then forgot that it had happened until I opened my writing app up a couple days later. Thank you for the kindnesses, in any case. When I get a second I'm gonna do something about "I’d love my many joys and works—". Not sure what yet. At least I know what I want the line to mean, I just think that formulation is clumsy and a little dull.

[fishjim]

That makes more sense. A lot of my poems start that way. I'll get an opening line or two and usually a sense of where I want to be near the end of the poem - like how you knew you wanted the major turn to be "but I bear a wound..."  If this were a Petrarchan sonnet, that would begin line 9.

For me at least, the time between writing the first ideas and actually writing the poem is when most of the writing gets done, but I still don't really know how. You're dreaming it through, essentially, even if you don't remember when or how. By the time you sit down to write it, your unconscious has anticipated a lot of the tensions in the poem you end up writing.

THis is has been POETS AT WORK with your host Fishjim.

[coldforge]

You're probably 100% correct.

[Bernard]

Quite enjoying hearing you dudes discuss your methods.