The quotable LPTJ

[plainenglish]

Biggins, I'm gonna lay you down.  Treat you right.  To an all-night steak buffet.  And when you've had your fill, I'll turn you over and massage away the heartburn and acid reflux and gas that fills your soul.  Then we'll move on to dessert, oh yeah.  Peaches and creme, you know what I mean.  I'll feed it to you with a silver spoon.  Until you beg for mercy, like that fat guy in Seven.

But we ain't done yet, nuh uh.

Next we'll go for a long walk down to the pier.  And I'll hold your hair back as you vomit off the pier.  I'll hold your bloated, aching body in my arms and then

reaching into my pocket

I'll get my handkerchief and wipe off your mouth

maybe even give you a drink of water from the
water bottle I happen to have

Then we will have

FURIOUS MAKEOUTS
DOWN BY THE PIER
The sound of the ocean
and my clicking TMJ
will be the only things we'll hear
Until we're arrested and thrown in jaaaaaaiiiiiiiillllllll.

Ooh baby.
Oooooooooooh baby.

It'll be your special night.

[jebreject]

that there was a parallel to the movie "life is beautiful" called "life is stupiful" where the main character says "Buon Giorno Idiotessa!" all the time.

[theartlessmonster]

actually i really just want to call it, "Life is stupid"

[alistarr*]

Shopping with my partner last week, I suggested we try old-school unflavored mouthwash, but she was having none of it, so minty green it was.

Back on my own, I'm trying to perceive my life in as positive a manner as possible. So picking up household supplies yersterday I was like, "Ha, I've broken free from the shackles of domesticity! I will indulge in manly gasoline-looking mouthwash and relish the burn!"

I do not relish the burn. I took a small swig this morning and spewed it into the sink before proper swishing even began. Some dribbled onto my chin, and even that burned. Now surviving the whole liter of this poison is my new mission in life.

[nonotyet]

Re: Dave Eggers:

HERE IS A DRAWING OF AN OVERPRIVILEGED WHITE KID WHO EXPERIENCED PERSONAL TRAGEDY AT AN EARLY AGE AND HAS SINCE GONE ON TO GREAT THINGS WHICH FRUSTRATED JEALOUS TWENTY-SOMETHINGS CANNOT HELP BUT DENIGRATE

AND ALSO A DRAWING OF A STAPLER

I WOULD LIKE MY MONEY NOW PLEASE

[Maaik]

DAMN THE SWEDES, do they never get laid?

Based on the appearance of the implements I see at Ikea, I'd guess they do most of their fucking in the kitchen.

[das kranke Tier]

i have to poop

i'm helping my friend get into doom metal

Non sequitur of the day!

[jebreject]

holy shit these were funny:

And Andrew, I expect the next full-length to be a bit more Tonight's the Night than On the Beach, if that's all right with you!

Heh. You wish!

I might tour with Partisan this summer and we'll go to Texas for sure and hopefully we can call the tour the BEARDS OF DOOM tour and we'll force Katie to grow a beard as well

Alternately, you and Frank can start being a secret gay couple, and then Katie would BE a beard.

Sayin'.  Frank's a good lookin' guy.

[girl]

oh man, i hated black market fetus.

i know right, it just doesnt have the same taste or consistency as nice farm raised fetus

[heather marie]

I mean, jesus, do you guys think I ejaculate cash?

Man, if you did, I would TOTALLY let you come on my face.

[alistarr*]

"martin_van_buren's manatee post":

So, one of the myriad reasons I joined this board is the majestic sea cow.

sometimes "zing" just isn't enough and you just got no choice but to quotable that mother.

[silentsigh89]

Add to this my slight giddiness arising from a parallel discussion in the Departure Lounge (where a less subtle subtext hasn't been detected either)

Sez who??

Because Lucy makes me smile, and yes. Yes we've detected it!

[morgan]

What!

[Good Intentions]

Something inside of me just grabbed a shotgun and killed a lot of other things inside of me before turning the gun on itself.

[Doctor Bob]

he was the only one of pavement's three drummers who ever did truly memorable and impressive stuff with his parts.

[Andrew_TSKS]

oh you bastard. DRUM parts. fucking hell.

[Doctor Bob]

Too late!  My fruity mind devours slip-ups like that for breakfast. :wink:

[Andrew_TSKS]

yeah, i knew i was defeated the second i saw where you'd posted it. you win this round, doctor bob. but i'll get you next time...

[Maaik]

[lucky strike]

You certainly are if you keep repeating it as solid fact, young man! Now I want you to look in the mirror, look yourself right in the eye, and say "I'm hot enough, I'm cool enough, and gosh darn it, cute babes want to come back to my place to see my CD collection!"

The select few might even get a look at his 7 inches.

[nonotyet]

don't get me started about fuckin'  moms, either. this is when i have to make my "sexceptions".

I am giggling like a ninny.

[Good Intentions]

i just loved the looks i got when mike tyson's voice came screaming out of my pocket.

i bet they were not unlike the looks that mike tyson himself got when his voice came screaming out of his face.

[Maaik]

i just loved the looks i got when mike tyson's voice came screaming out of my pocket.

i bet they were not unlike the looks that mike tyson himself got when his voice came screaming out of his face.

GOD that's funny.

[Maaik]

as long as i've got my finger in some jeb pie  

[Good Intentions]

A real man would be working as an alligator wrangler or an oil-rig fireman, not as a desk jockey for a transportation agency.  A real man would have no use for Firefox- though he would have use for fire, and foxes!