The quotable LPTJ

[convensive]

In short, gag down a box of cocks and die.

i saved this from a sinking ship... i like the assonance... "box of cocks"... trips right off the tongue... (if you'll permit me a single entendre)...

[nonotyet]

i'm gonna go ahead and call a moratorium on eating disorder jokes.

C'mon, Andrew. If you can't joke about eating disorders, what can you joke about?

whatever comes up

[alistarr*]

there! loose weight, work out and eat that!  

just the crowing glory of the thread quoted above, pushed me that little bit higher than i thought the hilarity could go.

[Good Intentions]

just you walking the vast wasteland of america, with a skull beltbuckle, a jaunty set cap, a chainmail vest, a d&d 3rd edition monster guide signed by gary gygax, escaping a checkered past, a holocaust-sized emotional scar that regular people can almost see...as you walk into their little towns, as once per week you solve someone's problems.

Dude I came up with a TV show for you!

MILES TO HEAVEN
coming to FOX

[RoyBiggins]

Also: therapy isn't that big of a deal. It could help. Therapists are like the internet ... except their advice can actually be relevant.

The best part about that is how much sense it makes.  It also makes therapy sound very appealing.

[Andrew_TSKS]

No, I'm just saying you might have a good time with other people who are also batshit insane.

sorry, i know without context it's confusing, but it was just too funny not to repost here.

[theartlessmonster]

No, I'm just saying you might have a good time with other people who are also batshit insane.

and to add to the confusion let me just say

and that's exactly why i have such a good time HERE with you other batshit insane people!

[Chris]

I mean, my whole professional life has been one long struggle against the idea that acoustic guitars are tethered to this or that "inherent" stylistic/tonal quality

[elpollodiablo]

Hey. That wasn't funny.

[RoyBiggins]

The man's got a point.

[Tlon]

Its 'quotable' in the sense that I could imagine seeing it in an article or press release (without the "I mean").
Perhaps in some sort of guitar magazine

[El_Josharino]

Hey. That wasn't funny.

It was, however, a quotation.

[C of heartbreak]

I wish you ill.

[Good Intentions]

I was invited to the ex's family home for xmas dinner last night. They are a lovely yet very conservative family who frown upon the use of the word "Sucks"
Somebody put the new Brook Frazer album on.


Me, Loudly: " IF BROOKE FRAZER HAD A COCK, I'D PUNCH IT"
Ex's Dad: "....So, how do people like their tea...".

Spectacular debut into the quotable thread, Killdozer.

[Good Intentions]

sorta, but it's like the purest strain of that bizarro animist American Christianity that's hugely obsessed with both some super-non-biblical constructions of the relationship between God & the individual AND with what are shockingly primitive conceptions of how God interferes in the physical world - it's like the O.T. Yahweh got all Holly Hobbie and wants nothing more than for a dying quadriplegic kid to hit a home run before he goes to Heaven...where he immediately gets his legs back, plays loads of great baseball there with his New Perfect Body Of Eternal Childhood, and sends occasional updates through the veil to his grieving family in order to strengthen their faith

I knew I read that shitstorm for a reason.

[Bernard]

Hey. That wasn't funny.

Half the shit that gets quoted here isn't funny.

[Wally]

LPTJ Invitational XI
- - - - - - - - - - - - -

1. Opening batsman
Greg Nog (C)
Here since the beginning, with beautiful style, handling everything thrown at him with aplomb, a respectable scorer but not the most prolific in the team.

2. Opening batsman
fygmynt
Another experienced hand, determined and resilient. Hardest worker you will see on the pitch. Economical style and remarkable depth at playing the ball.

3. Batting third
Andrew_TSKS
A more prolific scorer you will never see. Bit of a wild card, which keeps the crowds happy, and occassionaly delivers a knock worth writing home about. Simply mindboggling average.

4. Batsman
elpollodiablo
Has reduced opponents to tears, as he slaps their best balls about without effort. Has no art in sledging, instead turning it into a 9-to-5 profession.

5. Wicket Keeper / Batsman
Maaik
Energetic, short and chirpy. Deceptively high scorer with an understated but attractive style. Keeps morale high as the overs tick over with trademark on-pitch performances.

6. Batsman
diesel_powered
An unrelenting technician with the bat. Sticks around, keeps the scoreboard ticking over. Has been known to bowl a overs of off-spin when needed.

7. All-Rounder Seamer
milly balgeary
An erratic performer with bat and ball. Occassional stellar performances are undermined by inconsistency, though nobody is quite sure what a consistent innings from this player would look like. Keeps opposition unbalanced with varying swing and bounce and occasional bodyline.

8. All-Rounder Seamer
Good Intentions
Worksmanlike style with bat and ball. Hard worker in the outfield, scores steadily with the bat, shuts down the opposing batsmen with unrelenting line and length using the old ball.

9. Leg-Spinner
Wally
A master at coming out of the rough. More than one batsmen has been caught completely off-guard by one of his deliveries, and quite a few have no idea how to play him. Puts in handy performances with the bat.

10. Opening Bowler
jebreject
A paceman whose stature allows him to bowl opponents over. His gentle nature, and occasional lapses of the same, make him a crowd favourite. Opponents generally don't attempt to sledge him, perhaps out of prudence. Has been known to get reverse-swing.

11. Opening Bowler
Illest Waffle
Simply vicious with the new ball, a paceman of the most spectacular kind. Fast, erratic and not overly concerned by the well-being of batsmen. Makes up the tail, not being able to take any shots whatsoever himself.

12. Twelfth Man
Ned Ragget
Impressive stats, but nobody has actually seen much of him, leaving the question of what he actually does quite a mystery.

With John, Lalitree and woejilli forming the coaching and management staff.

One of the funniest circle jerks I've read in a long time.

[das kranke Tier]

I'm glad that got quoted.  I got quite a kick out of that.

[das kranke Tier]

I don't want to be a fruitcake about it!  I want to be a MAN, but that means all I can think about is football, food, or, since I'm an indie kid man, my favorite boring post-rock albums that chicks never dig...  

[Good Intentions]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.*

*Legend:
Horse = reese
water = 80s "romantic" comedy movie featuring Bruce Willis and also the schmoooove jazz stylings of Stanley Jordan
drink = watch movie and profit from the knowledge gained thereby

[das kranke Tier]

I love Dick so much it hurts.

Context be damned

[RoyBiggins]

He's going to be hung? It's so weird to hear about people getting hung. They're killing him for being a mass murdering, and they are just going to hang him. Fuck, if you are going to kill a man which such a high profile do it big. Get like Puffy Daddy to throw a big party 'n shit and have the Sadam be the only waiter. Make him go back and forth getting people Red Bulls and cocaine until he just drops dead from exhaustion. Or better yet, get Nick Nolte to dress up in a top hat and grow a waxed mustache, and have him tie Sadam (who will be fully dressed in blue sundress and a short blonde curly wig) to train tracks and see if anyone rides up on a white stallion shows up to save him before a train comes. 'N shit.

This post made me feel that, as pseudo internet older siblings, we have done well.  Very well.

[jordanmichael]

He's going to be hung? It's so weird to hear about people getting hung. They're killing him for being a mass murdering, and they are just going to hang him. Fuck, if you are going to kill a man which such a high profile do it big. Get like Puffy Daddy to throw a big party 'n shit and have the Sadam be the only waiter. Make him go back and forth getting people Red Bulls and cocaine until he just drops dead from exhaustion. Or better yet, get Nick Nolte to dress up in a top hat and grow a waxed mustache, and have him tie Sadam (who will be fully dressed in blue sundress and a short blonde curly wig) to train tracks and see if anyone rides up on a white stallion shows up to save him before a train comes. 'N shit.

This post made me feel that, as pseudo internet older siblings, we have done well.  Very well.

Ha. Nice.

[jebreject]

I love Dick so much it hurts.

Context be damned

The funny thing is, I'm pretty sure this exact thing has happened before.

[Good Intentions]

right wrongs
write songs