totally random..

[Heathcote]

alcoholisms*

[Greg Nog]

I think you should totally kill your uncle; it sounds like he's the one who poured poison in your dad's ear.

He's hiding behind the arras.

[Heathcote]

grandad*

[DCDave]

So that's your grandmum?

[coldforge]

Andrew, the gist of the story is that Heathcote's grandparents are nobility, and are fulfilling the classic British old-money stereotype of being controlling, manipulative, passive-agressive, rich, and old.

[Andrew_TSKS]

wait, what?

[coldforge]

HE'S AN EARL. THE OLD MAN IS AN EARL. THE EARL GOWRIE.

[diesel_powered]

"Speak English for chrissakes, you people spawned the fuckin' language, how come nobody speaks it?"

[Heathcote]

i'll have you know i speak english proper propler likeeee innit

just don't type it  

[diesel_powered]

I wish there was some kind of "british translator" thing like the leetspeak translator where you could type your posts in and have them translated into british.

Then I'd totally post everything in british.

[Andrew_TSKS]

oh god, i hope that's never invented. i have enough trouble figuring out what the fuck mike skinner is on about half the time. and dizzee rascal? forGET it.

[Heathcote]

I wish there was some kind of "british translator" thing like the leetspeak translator where you could type your posts in and have them translated into british.

Then I'd totally post everything in british.

there is...

http://www.whoohoo.co.uk/

the american slang is just as if not worse than the british, and the british use of grammer, i get sooo flammed for bad grammer. E.G this blog entry by my ex

a lesson for one and all

because this does matter: no matter what they teach you in school, it actually does...

'Its' has no apostrophe unless it denotes the contraction of 'it is'.

'Who's' is always the contraction of 'who is' and never indicates possession; for this use 'whose'.


'Whose is it?' enquires to whom it belongs...

...'Who's is it?' means 'who is is it?' and I can only interpret this as enquiring as to the identity of somebody (interestingly) named Is It.



This is all SO SIMPLE. Fine, if it doesn't float your boat then don't bother with things that are actually challenging to grasp, but please at least employ the basics. They make conversation bearable and coherent, and eloquence is immensely attractive. And you can't claim that sticking in unnecessary apostrophes is solely an online affliction, because surely it actually requires more effort than omitting them?

There is another dreadful, dreadful method of apostrophe abuse and this one has actually passed into acceptable usage. I am all for the evolution of language when it's simplifying, or to make speech flow better ('less' when 'fewer' is technically correct, 'me and Lena' instead of 'Lena and I')but when so called 'evolutions' actually complicate things further then surely they're actually signs of devolution?

i - I bought some CD's
ii - You've all got to renew your MOT's
iii - I got no A's in my GCSE's


i - No, you bought some CDs (plural of CD). A CD's (CD is) a compact disc.
ii - Your MOT's (MOT has) expired. I hope your mother and father renew all our MOTs (plural of MOT).
iii - I should certainly hope not. You probably got straight Fs in your GCSEs. Congratulations.


In these situations there is just no logical reasoning behind putting an apostrophe there. The purpose of language is communication and, in order for it to be effective, it must be standardised. It ought to be both simple to learn and easily comprehended, particularly so that written language remains intelligible in years to come. How does one explain to a foreign language student that, whilst it is fine to put an apostrophe in the plural of CD, it's sinful to do the same for compact disc?


Absurdity, the lot of it.

[diesel_powered]

This is gaffer, ay feel like Am inna munty python sketch. 'enceforth, all me posts will be translated into british.

[Heathcote]

british comedy > U.S comedy if you take the best of the best from both

[diesel_powered]

Yis, you're pretty bright rite. there's nowt funnier than mun in drag er 'alf bees named "eric". unless yous count de simpsons. in which case we got yer asses beat.

[alexandra]

I'M GOING TO CONNECTICUT!

[Heathcote]

Yis, you're pretty bright rite. there's nowt funnier than mun in drag er 'alf bees named "eric". unless yous count de simpsons. in which case we got yer asses beat.

simpsons is reallly really funny, but it's not ALL really really funny, i would rather watch say, lee evens, or the royal famly, or trigga happy tv

[diesel_powered]

Trigger made-up telly wuz dead laughin' (and Am pretty bright convinced dat dee filmed part o' it in minneaopolis) but it got lame afti awhile. wuz de version ed comedy central e'yer de same as de one ed telly thuz? Am pretty se it 'ad de same 'ost and charactis. and let's juss cod ed dat de Yank version o' de office didn't exist. 'owever, we also 'uv cb yer enthusiasm and family git.

[Heathcote]

Oh the offace is spiffing, one dunnoh, there is fie something about british comady that screams greatness, maybe it's some baaarmy mwah mwah sweetie of patrotism.

american comady rocks aswell tho' Jolly good show old bean!

[jebreject]

spaced and black books rule.  that's all i will say for now.

[martin_van_buren]

Lor luvva duck.


Edit: Strewth!

[diesel_powered]

Ugh. tinnie someone please juss get me into graduate schewl already? ay fear de application process will kill me.

 Also, Am read'n "talk ter de 'and" rite now and ay love 'ow lynne truss makes fun o' people speak'n british ed cell phones in public.

[WhereTheSlimeLive]

I'd kill for some chicken alfredo right now.

[On Reflection]

diesel_powered last few posts here are fucking hilarious

also, "arse" not "ass".

[diesel_powered]

It wuz de translati dat used "ass", not ay. ay thought it wuz rather odd, myself. also, terdee ay discovered a 'uge, red skin infection ed me shoulder as ay wuz primp'n ter bowl drop off some film. like, 'uge E-blewdy-nuff fe me ter say "holy eartha fitt!" whun ay saw it. normally ay get dem fairly offun, but not this big. so ay deck it wi' a 'ot compress and put some terpical antibiotic ed it. if it doesn't side up inna dee, i'll get worried.