17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists...by Michael Moore

[milly balgeary]

Export a Liberal!
If they,Aeore so eager to flee to Canada, by all means, let,Aeos help them.



Well, my good friend Grover Norquist may finally see his lifelong dream come true. It looks like the Left is finally going to leave us all alone. If everything goes according to plan, blue-state Democrats are going to let us keep our guns and our money and our kids and our faith ,Aei and all the other things that government keeps trying to wrest from us.

 
Allow me to explain the basis for my optimism.

The Canadian embassy reports that the requests from U.S. citizens for travel visas, citizenship applications, and political-asylum petitions have skyrocketed since the glorious day of November 2, 2004, when big-government liberalism was once again relegated to the ash heap of history (for the next four years, at least). One contact at the Canadian embassy told me that they are overwhelmed with requests to enter the country from Canada's neighbor to the south. The Canadians haven't seen this kind of invasion of young discontented Americans since the Vietnam draft dodgers poured across the border.

European nations, especially France, are also reporting a surge in applications from Americans wanting to leave these shores immediately (and hopefully for good). It appears that if the Left in America can't bring the European welfare state and high taxes on the rich to America, they will go to enjoy them in Europe.

It would also appear, then, that the party that preaches tolerance as the preeminent virtue just can't tolerate one thing: conservatives. (This is especially true when conservatives control the instruments of political power.) Well, I respect that. When you get a fanny-whupping like the Left got on Election Day ,Aei when every one of your core values (tax hikes on the rich, abortion on demand, government-run health care, reparation payments for slavery, one-world government, polygamy) has been rejected by your bigoted and narrow-minded fellow citizens ,Aei it's cowardly to stick around.

I mean, really: How can any self-respecting blue-state liberal Democrat possibly stomach four more years of Republican rule in America (which, for many of the MTV Rock the Vote Generation-Xers, must seem like consecutive life sentences)? Do liberals really want the Darth Vader of American politics, Karl Rove, to rub their noses in it for another four-year term? Can they fathom being governed by red-state conservative Republicans, who, if the New York Times is right, have such low I.Q.s that it's hard to believe we ever managed to get toilet trained?

Liberals of America, unite! Leave this horrid and wicked and irredeemable backwater! Why not create a workers' paradise off the shores of France? You can all speak French, allow Janet Jackson to show both her breasts, create a cradle-to-grave welfare state, drink Starbucks lattes, read the New York Times every day, scramble the satellite signal for Fox News, and worship your new leader, Michael Moore! Hell, we'll throw in Harvard and the whole faculty! It's a gift. Here's an added incentive: You will never have to take the war on terrorism to the terrorists; they will almost certainly bring it right to your doorstep.

Now, there's the catch in all this. It turns out that a lot of the liberals can't afford the trip, or the entry fee into places like Canada.

So here's my idea: a new project called the Export a Liberal Fund. From this pool we will donate $100 to every liberal who agrees to give up his U.S. citizenship and flee the country permanently.

Warning #1: There's no coming back for health care when you get sick.

Warning #2: There will be no amnesty program. These are one-way tickets.

Before the 2000 elections, the Alec Baldwins and the Barbara Streisands of the world promised that they would leave the country if Bush won. The good news is that Bush indeed won; the bad news is that Streisand and Baldwin did what liberals always seem to do: they lied. And, alas, they are still among us.

But this time they are serious about leaving. With Bush's election the Renaissance was over; with his reelection, the Dark Ages have definitively descended upon America. These leftists therefore want out ,Aei so they can seek more socialist pastures. They just need a little nudge, a little financial incentive.

I, for one, stand ready and willing to do my patriotic part and contribute to the Export a Liberal Fund. I hope you will join me in this worthy charitable endeavor. Let's really go out and paint the country red!

[jebreject]

That's the stupidest goddamn thing I've ever read.

[milly balgeary]

yes but that's what normal chicken eating conservatives think when they read all the left lambasting.. the hate must stop!

[jebreject]

I have no concern in bringing the left and right together, to tell you the truth.  I don't give a good goddamn about neo-cons and bourgeois liberals.  Those lines are just imaginary and both groups tend to want a lot of the same things anyhow.

I don't care about bi-partisanship one bit.  And besides, if said liberals are going to accomplish anything in this country, I don't think it's going to be through MORE compromise and more pandering to the moderates and the right.  Where has that gotten us in the last two elections?

But yeah, I'm going to shut up now, because I don't really feel like getting in an argument with the two weirdo conservatives whose opinions don't really mean anything to me (sorry) and the liberals with whom i get along pretty well.

[Andrew_TSKS]

the two weirdo conservatives whose opinions don't really mean anything to me (sorry)

jeb, i love you. thank you for saying what i've been thinking for at least a month.

[milly balgeary]

i always like it when i get a tacit agreement with what i am saying, then a passive-aggressive refutation.

[mackro]

yup.. more noise as usual.   keep it up.

[boganlux]

the two weirdo conservatives whose opinions don't really mean anything to me (sorry)

jeb, i love you. thank you for saying what i've been thinking for at least a month.

I think the proper word is "troll". Milly is obviously just cutting and pasting b-grade hyper-conservative agit-prop.

[milly balgeary]

bogan, what gave it away that it was a cut/paste?  goddamn, with a brilliant mind like yours, i'm seeing a beautiful mind sequel sometime in the distant future.

[mackro]

[milly balgeary]

NOVEMBER 7, 2004 ,Aei This past week, there has been a dynamic of true surprise and confusion playing out among Bush supporters.  It seems they are as tired of the hatred and division as those on the other side of things are.  And so when they saw the election results, they breathed a sigh of relief.
Honestly.  I have heard one thing and thing only from Bush supporters this past week:  the expression of hope that since Bush got a "clear majority" this time, that the other side will let up, accept the verdict as the legitimate choice of the nation, and that from here on out we could all just get along and accept the situation.
As they have seen that this is not the case - that Kerry supporters do not accept the situation or election results, and have not decided to just go along with what the elected government chooses to do - their reactions have been something I have not seen or heard from Bush supporters all along:  true dismay.
It is not the fake, mocking, sarcastic dismay of a Limbaugh skit.  It seems they really are tired of the tit for tat, exhausted from the past four years, and longing to be able to get along with all those friends and family members they have been warring with for the past four years.  The fight was fierce, spirited, but they are quite sick of it and now wish it could just be over.
The good news is that this is a true opportunity for America.  This is a window - which will close if we don't enter through it - for America to come back to being a civil nation again.
The bad news is that it can't happen unless there are certain specific changes.  These are things both sides, and indeed all good Americans, should be able to agree on.  And they are the roadblock, and potential keystone, to restoring civility in America.
So, for those Bush supporters who truly want the fighting to end, and to Kerry supporters who want the same, here are the five things that must be done to make that happen.  If we join together to make these things happen, then the vicious fighting will end and we can truly be one nation, not Red and Blue but Red, White, and Blue.

1)  ALL E-VOTING MUST HAVE A VERIFIABLE PAPER BACKUP
It doesn't matter whether you believe this election was fixed or not; it is that it could have been fixed. As long as e-voting exists without a paper trail for verification, our election results cannot be trusted, and no good American should accept that.  Those who truly want unity on both sides must come together and make this happen before the next election.  You cannot expect election results to hold any weight in terms of legitimacy until this is corrected.

2)  URBAN VOTERS CANNOT BE MADE TO STAND IN THE RAIN FOR 5 HOURS TO VOTE WHILE RURAL AND SUBURBAN VOTERS HAVE SHORT WAITS
Again, all good Americans agree that for democracy to really be democracy, everyone must have a fair chance to vote on the same technology and without unfair hardship on one group over another.  We can have urban voters vote in neighbor's apartments, just like they do in the burbs.  There should be the same number of polling places per person in a city as in a suburb.  So if you only have one for every five thousand in the city, and so it takes five hours to vote, there should only be one for every five thousand in the suburbs, and so they can have to drive and wait five hours.  Either way, they must be the same to be fair and equal.  Whatever it takes, if you truly want election results to be accepted, the fighting to stop, and if you truly care about America and democracy, we must unite to put an end to this nonsense once and for all.

3)  PROPAGANDA STATIONS ARE UNACCEPTABLE AND UN-AMERICAN.
You cannot watch a lying propaganda station like Fox or listen to lying propagandists like Limbaugh, O'Reilly, Hannity, or any of the others who lie, bully, misrepresent and talk over the other side and expect the other side to be okay with you.  If you get indignant when CBS blows one story but embrace 24 hours-a-day of lying and bullying propaganda for your side, you are not looking for the fighting to end, you are not looking for unity, and you are not acting as good Americans.  If you truly want unity, join with us in condemning and abandoning Fox, Limbaugh, and Coulter.  Do this, and we all should, as well, call out when CBS, Michael Moore, and others step over the line as well.  All Americans know dishonest propaganda was the Soviet way, it was Saddam's way - it is not our way.  Fox and Limbaugh and Coulter exist solely to lie and push one side's agenda.  Join with us in condemning their un-American activities and we can move toward getting along and moving past the hatred and fighting.

4)  BOTH SIDES, STOP WITH THE BS NAME CALLING WHEN SOMEONE DISAGREES WITH YOU
At The Moderate Independent, we get it from both sides.  Anytime we say something a Bush supporter doesn't like, they call us "lefty" or, more frequently and ridiculously, "ultra-lefty-liberal" or some other stupid phrase without regard for the fact that "left" and "liberal" actually mean something, stand for positions, like socialism and unilateral nuclear disarmament, which we don't espouse.  This is a divisive gave Fox, Limbaugh, and Rove have used to play us against eachother.
Kerry supporters do the same.  This week we were dubbed racist by one of them for saying it is okay to accept that some people value beauty more than money or schooling.  This is the exact same type of hateful smear, calling someone names that don't fit rather than dealing with the simple fact you disagree with that person.
You cannot attack people with name calling and expect them to accept it.  That is not to desire unity but to desire that someone give into your bullying, and no decent adult would or every should do that.
So, Bush supporters who truly want the division to end, stop using "lefty" and "liberal."  Never use those phrases ever again - you almost never use them accurately, and they are the key tool they use to keep you fighting with and divided from the other side.  And get over phrases like, "liberals are arrogant, think they know it all."  Limbaugh and Hannity and the Fox anchors are the most arrogant know-it-alls on the face of the planet, and they are just, again, trying to get you to hate the other side to keep us fighting each other.
Kerry supporters, save racist and sexist, etc. for the few rare occasions when they actually apply.
Lastly...

5)  STOP SUPPORTING YOUR CANDIDATE WHEN HE LIES
Regardless of your views on policies, there is no question that President Bush lies a lot.  This is one of the main things that has the other side infuriated.  Up until now, you have enjoyed the pleasure of lying and getting away with it.  If you truly want to end the hate and the fighting, as you seem to and say you do, call your own guys and gals out when they launch BS barrages.
Consider the above an offered Contract For A Truce In America.
Agree to - and act upon - these five things that all good Americans should agree upon, and then the other side will see your desire is actually for unity and an end to the hatred and American vs. American fighting.
If you won't act upon these five things, then you don't really desire unity, but simply for the other side to submit to your bullying, which will never happen.  And so a civil America will not exist anytime soon.
Take the Contract or leave it, at least now you cannot claim you do not understand why Kerry supporters have not - and will not - accept the results of the recent election as legitimate and resign themselves to end their fight against President Bush and his supporters

[Andrew_TSKS]

wow, i actually agreed with all of that.

[milly balgeary]

andrew you'll agree with anything, as long as it has something to do with the jewish people in the holocaust being equal to animal slaughter, or contains some radical skewering of the neo-cons, and their minions. and yes i agree too. maybe we have found some common ground.

[John]

Generally speaking I couldn't give two shits, because I find the partisan squealing on both (haha "both": that's the shell game) sides really disgraceful, but the sudden "we hate the French! they didn't support the Iraq war!" kneejerk is the best and simplest intelligence test since they standardized the Stanford-Binet. Are you a person who didn't have any opinion about France before neo-cons started whining about the French exercising their national right to support or oppose wars according to the dicatates of their conscience? And do you suddenly take advantage of every opportunity to reel off lame sub-Catskills one-liners about the French? If you answered "yes" to both of these questions, with or without your own smarmy qualifications/restatements, then congratulations: you're a fucking moron! And if you said "No I always hated the French!" then double-good congrats: you're a lying moron! A moron I should thank, though: every time I go over to France, which I love, I'll know that you peabrains are vacationing in Wyoming or Munich or someplace, leaving more good food, good wine, well-dressed people, and gorgeous terrain for the rest of us.

All love & respect to my Wyoming-Munich posse of course, long may you rage

[Ah_Pook]

oh but ive always made fun of french people, ever since i went there in middle school. its been a running joke if you will.

i guess im a liar though so thats cool. because now i get to tear your mind out, and burn your soul... and i love doing that shit.

[jebreject]

because now i get to tear your mind out, and burn your soul... and i love doing that shit.

WTF

[mackro]

Oh, Ah_Pook is just being a Pinhead again.

[milly balgeary]

ah pook rules! ha! what is that quote, from, ah pook, in your signature? is that from maldorer? or possibly lovecraft in one of his better moments? decadent literature rules!

[Ah_Pook]

ah pook rules! ha! what is that quote, from, ah pook, in your signature? is that from maldorer? or possibly lovecraft in one of his better moments? decadent literature rules!

good call its from The Call Of Cthulhu, at the end when the full scope of evil in the universe has crushed our humble narrators spirit. ive been on a pretty serious Lovecraft kick for a couple months now.

[Ah_Pook]

because now i get to tear your mind out, and burn your soul... and i love doing that shit.

WTF

its from that henry rollins song D: