You know what's annoying?

[Andrew_TSKS]

Sorry to hear about these issues with parents. I've never really had any major problems with my parents. They've been just about all anyone could ask for.

yeah, you're lucky. you know all those idiots, assholes and crazy people you run into out in the world? many of them will one day have kids (or even have them now). and i think some of us ARE their kids.

Is it any wonder that I've grown up to have to overcome serious problems with asserting myself and seeing that my needs are met? I've spent my whole life getting zinged by my family every time I assert myself!

At the dinner table and most other places, my dad and his girlfriend would incessantly talk about my brother and I in the third person, like we weren't even there. Then when I'd ask them to stop, they'd mock me (usually in the third person).

oh good god, gary, that's appalling. that story could almost be a mr. show sketch, but it ACTUALLY HAPPENED, which bleeds all the humor value RIGHT OUT OF IT.

[diesel_powered]

Oh Jesus, that's awful.

Admittedly my parents aren't all bad (as, for the most part, I'd venture to say about most of our parents) but boy don't their particular foibles overshadow quite a bit of the good parts? At least my relationship with them has improved significantly in recent years. Doubly so since my dad realized that the fact that he's clinically depressed made him an angry, abusive asshole for most of my life and finally got help for it. Since then he's gotten to be quite nice, even though there are moments when his previous self shines through. But now that I'm older and have much more of a handle on why he is who he is and why he behaves the way he does, he doesn't have the power to affect me in the same way he used to. I'd like to think that I've made it through the process enough to get over the direct consequences of his actions early in my life, but it still disturbs me when the parts of his personality that I've inherited (high-strung, anxiety-ridden) shine through. I guess that's the next step when I can finally afford a therapist again.

And as far as this goes:

ok, in response to the first post--i personally can't really try to just banter with people on their level without overstepping bounds, as i really don't understand the point where the line is drawn between making fun of people in an amusing way and hurting their feelings. so yeah, i really just try not to ever do it, since it's never anything sincere from me, just an attempt to fit in. but i also don't let people make me feel guilty for just being honest and genuine about things.

I think this is just the route I'm going to have to take. Time to add this to the goal list. It's hard considering that the people I'm forced to be around these days can be a gigantic mass of negativity and pettiness and bullshit-laden nonsense, but I'm beginning to realize that the environment I'm in has really worn down the progress I was making on being more positive. I've really backslid quite a lot in that department lately and I think it's time for a conscious change in my personality on my part.

[YojimboMonkey]

My family sits around and rips on each other all the time.  It pretty well horrified Mindy at first but she's mostly gotten used to it.  Damian (my 10 year old) talks some shit with the best of them now.  Occasionally somebody will get all pissy about it but it's hard to take the moral high ground when I can bring up something nasty you said about me 20 minutes previously. 

But we love each other fiercely.  I mean that. 

I guess that makes me an idiot/asshole/crazy person with kids.   But it works for us.

[Andrew_TSKS]

you know, i think if your ego isn't crucially damaged by your parents in the earliest years of your life, that kind of interaction can be fun and healthy. i'm sure you're a much better and nicer parent than either of mine ever were, which is why your kids are thriving on that sort of jocular atmosphere. if i'd been suddenly thrown into it when i was 8 or so years old, though, i probably would have had a lot of complete meltdowns and freaked everyone out.

hell, i think i did that a lot at that age anyway.

[diesel_powered]

you know, i think if your ego isn't crucially damaged by your parents in the earliest years of your life, that kind of interaction can be fun and healthy.

OTM.

Getting abused by your peers early on (and let's not bullshit ourselves here, it wasn't just "getting picked on" it was psychological and physical abuse) followed up by more of the same at home pretty much ruins you for this type of interaction.

I'm not saying that there's no way it can be fun and healthy, nor am I trying to play the "I'm more fucked up than everyone" card here. That's just the reason why it doesn't work for me both in terms of giving and receiving. I guess maybe when others cross the line from fun into hurtful frequently early on it fucks up your barometer for seeing that line? I guess I've always been horrifically awkward at figuring out where other people's lines are.

[heather marie]

wow, yeah, my parents are amazing and i am ready to call them to thank them for being so awesome after reading some of this.

[jebreject]

My parents are significantly less fucked up than they used to be. That's pretty awesome.

I mean, whatever. They were bad parents. They know that as well as I do. They're fucked up people. I'm sure both of 'em suffer from PTSD, my mom because of things that happened when she was growing up, my dad 'cause of the war. My dad was a drunk and never around and when he was around he hit us and cursed at us and generally made it very clear that he didn't much care for us. My mom would play really mean tricks on us because she thought they were funny. But you know what? They also managed to raise two pretty fucking good kids, despite it all, and it's not worth it for me to despise them over this shit. And whether or not they were trying then, they're trying now, and that's all I can really ask for.

[jebreject]

That said, I am pretty firmly in the Andrew/Mike camp of being overly sensitive, for pretty much the exact same reasons. But I'm trying pretty hard to not let stupid shit bug me, give my friends the benefit of the doubt that they don't mean to hurt me, and tell myself that I shouldn't fucking care what anyone who isn't my friend or my family thinks anyway. It's hard, but it's better than me spending all my time nursing wounds

[Andrew_TSKS]

we should kill this thread, but first i'm gonna post about an annoyance: my bathtub is full of standing water. it has been since yesterday morning, at which time i dumped half a bottle of drain opener into it. it seems to have done no good. i don't know what the fuck else to do here. i guess i'll go buy another bottle of drain opener and try again. after that... call the landlord and make her get a plumber over here? i guess.

[elpollodiablo]

Before you call a plumber, go at the drain with a plunger. I've found that a combination of drain cleaner followed by boiling water followed by a vigorous plunging will do wonders.

[dieblucasdie]

be careful plunging if there's drain cleaner down there still though

[Andrew_TSKS]

ok, will try that tip. blucas, fear not, i know about the dangers of drain cleaner. i will protect myself appropriately.

[diesel_powered]

But you know what? They also managed to raise two pretty fucking good kids, despite it all, and it's not worth it for me to despise them over this shit. And whether or not they were trying then, they're trying now, and that's all I can really ask for.

OTMFM.

Some time around maybe 23 I realized that my parents were just people like everybody else and they did the best they could with what they had. I think that realization went a long way towards improving my relationship with them. And yeah, at this point our relationship is pretty good. It's improved steadily since I moved out and it's a damn sight better than it was 10 years ago.

But on to other annoyances: http://www.lastplanetojakarta.com/forums/index.php/topic,9897.0.html

[elpollodiablo]

Playing net poker is a vaguely amusing way to kill some hours at work, but I've never been dealt this much shit in my life. Srsly. If this were an actual game for actual cash, I would be fuckin pissed right now. Haven't seen a face card in fifteen goddamn hands.

[diesel_powered]

DUDE.

http://www.lastplanetojakarta.com/forums/index.php/topic,9897.0.html