Box Full of Letters (the new letters thread)

[rockmeamadeus]

dear antonio salieri,

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID.

sincerely,
amadeus

PS YOU TOOK MY WALLET,  DIDN'T YOU. Where will it end?!?!

[sassymcassface]

dear guy in the cubicle in front of me,

i hate you more and more daily.  you call in because you are too tired to work.  you get in screaming fights on the phone with your wife while i am trying to work. you are useless and i think you might be missing some brains.
but for the love of god, stop complaining to everyone that you had to move in with your mother.  maybe if you had planned ahead a bit and not gotten married and produced a child before you were 20 years old, and maybe i don't know, gotten a job or something, you would be in a better place.

kindly please shut the fuck up and get yourself fired already,
girl in the cubicle behind you who knows you stare at her tits every possible chance

[jebreject]

Dear LPTJ,

It saddens my heart that this thread is used mostly as a supplement to the annoyance thread.

Spread some love,

jeb

[jebreject]

Dear Approaching Thunderstorm,

I am looking forward to your visit.

Yours,

Departing Sunshine

[Greg Nog]

Dear tacobongo,

Today, in the cafeteria in my workplace, the salad bar contained a "Taco Bar"!  I celebrated this by saying to my lunchmate, "TACO BONGOS TACO BONGOS EATING TACOS WHILE SMOKING BONGOS"

Yours in taco,
Gregory

[Nick Ink]

Dear 2 year-old daughter,

Please desist from physically assaulting your older sister every five minutes. I know you don't really understand it yet, but violence isn't the answer. It just isn't.

Dad

[tacobongo]

Dear Mr. Nog,

Thank u for your support.

We r now accepting recipes 4 consideration 4 our menu, and would value your input greatlee. Plz think it over. The more drunk u r when you ideaize the better

,

Tako Bongho

[Greg Nog]

I shall get to work on that as soon as I can!

[elpollodiablo]

Tacobongo,

Howsabout a taco?

Best,
M

[tacobongo]

In itz current incarNation, Takko Bongzo is not just a physical resteraunt but somethin more Transendent, an ideal that livez on in all those dedicated to the litebulb of food justis n equaliy

so what im saying Iz go get really drunk or stone n make a taco or burrito wit the best ingeredients u can find

i recommend ramen noodelz

[Thermofusion]

We r now accepting recipes 4 consideration 4 our menu

i'd like one spicy ganjadilla supreme plz

[tacobongo]

do 2 lawz, we do not serve marihuana on the premizez

[Andrew_TSKS]

but sneak around to the back door to the kitchen, right there next to the dumpster... yeah, that one. someone will be out in a minute.

[jebreject]

I don't know Andrew, I think cops are going to be all up in a place with a bong on the sign, so it's probably best if we Taco Bongo owners and employees keep the drugs as far away as possible

Though really maybe we should just open up shop in B.C.

[tacobongo]

4 it

[diesel_powered]

Yes.

[theartlessmonster]

Dear Ghost of Captain Noe,

I know you are here sometimes in this house. Apparently you hate the candles on my mantle because you keep throwing them on the rug, which is fine, I don't mind picking them up.

However, I noticed yesterday you may be drinking my rum, either that or I'm sleep drinking which i don't think because I don't wake up hungover.  You know its fine but since your a ghost and all and I assume your taste buds are like 100 years old now, can you please drink the cheaper rum?  You know the one with the pirate on it that I got at Safeway? 

Thank you.

Mary

PS - Thank you for not locking me IN the house anymore, you know I hated that.

[Wally]

Dear Tacobongo

Do you deliver?


love
Dominic

[elpollodiablo]

Dear Athletes or Former Athletes (students, varsity, etc),

I've always been basically a fatty, and never competed in any sport more organized than some impromptu ultimate Frisbee. I'm not trying to be a cock, but I'm genuinely curious: why are so many (as in the great, GREAT majority of you) such sullen, unpersonable sorts? This isn't a criticism, exactly, it doesn't make any difference to me, but.. what's up with that? Is that how you talk to everyone? It's not an age thing, because it seems pretty common in kids from 12-25 (maybe older), and it's not specific to one sport, cuz I've seen in it football, baseball, hockey and basketball players. It's not me, so far as I can tell, because you react the same way to every one of my coworkers, your coaches, your parents and, from what I've seen, your girlfriends. What the hell has got you so down? Why can you not make eye contact with anyone? Why do simple social interactions seem to require some huge internal effort on your part?

Genuinely curious,
Miles

[Andrew_TSKS]

you know, i've been thinking about athletics and just people who are work hard to stay in shape in general lately, and one thing has really struck me--if i decided i wanted to be one of those people, i'd have to set aside several hours a day to work towards it. working out, weight training, etc. also, i'd have to really watch what i ate, and i'd never get to feel full. so i'd be walking around hungry and tired all the time, and i'd probably never have enough hours in the day to do all the enjoyable things i fill my life with now. and even though i spend a lot of time feeling ugly/fat/otherwise not-worthwhile as far as my physical appearance is concerned, it struck me that i wouldn't gain a damn thing if i tried really hard to get in shape and become stereotypically good looking. in fact, i'd probably be more miserable than i am now, because i'd be putting all that time into something that's not all that rewarding in and of itself.

so maybe that's got something to do with it. i don't know, maybe not. i just felt like it was an appropriate time to bring that up.

[elpollodiablo]

Actually dude if you began a regular exercise regimen I think you'd be surprised how much more energy you have throughout the day. And you do get to feel full if you just eat more low-calorie substantial stuff, like spinach and what not.

Not to say that I'm not actually a whole lot worse off than you; I've had slimmer/healthier times than others throughout my life, and right now I am definitely not healthy. But yeah, while it is a commitment to treat yourself a little better, I think you'd notice the benefits over time were greater than having like that extra 90mins to surf the internet or read or whatever.

[Good Intentions]

No, you needn't do several hours a day. A couple of two-hour sessions a week is plenty. And it is something that is rewarding in its own right, or at least, it should be.

I must say, while I'd be lying if I said I didn't know what pollo was talking about, but the brush there is a touch wide, I think. It's not that people are dicks by virtue of being athletes, it's that there are dicks who use their participation in a widely-applauded field to add to their sense of entitlement.

[elpollodiablo]

It's just weird, it's not really that they act entitled (though maybe that is the root of it), it's like they're autistic or something. You ever read that Achewood strip where it shows Phillippe as a teenager and it's like "Oh my Phillippe, look how you've grown!" And he goes "Huh. Whatever, fag."
It's more like that. It's like that whole sullen teenage boy thing, but it seems to affect both preteens and guys who have been out of high school for like eight years.

[Good Intentions]

The impression I always got was entitlement + narcissism - it doesn't matter how you feel or what you think, I don't need you for anything, etc. Which is, I think, why these guys sometimes even treat their girlfriends badly.

[C of heartbreak]

It's not necessary to devote several hours/day just to stay in shape, but serious athletes do devote probably the majority (or at least plurality) of their waking hours to their sport, so they're kind of in a whole other world from us, even before you count the stereotypical pressure-to-succeed/live-up-to-an-image kind of stuff. I was never by any means a serious athlete but I did play JV football and track in high school and even those kicked my ass.

Not sure if that really answers your question though.