Box Full of Letters (the new letters thread)

[what whale]

Now there is a good idea! 

There's also a section about how we do laundry "too much" (there are two of us, we wear clothes each day, and we have an excitable young dog who enjoys running around outside and, on her way back in, occasionally tracks dirt onto rugs, etc.; I tend to think we do a pretty standard amount of laundry for a couple who fits that criteria), as well as a section about "the environmental impact of doing laundry," which of course there is, but it's probably no more problematic than throwing dozens of cigarette butts off your second floor porch onto the front lawn each day (and it, of course, has nothing to do with the actual issue, our handling of her laundry)...

My company is doing this JP Morgan Chase corporate challenge tonight (3.5 mile road race), which I've been roped into being a part of; but after that, sometime tonight, but more likely tomorrow, I will get the full text of this letter posted for y'all.

[Greg Nog]

My company is doing this JP Morgan Chase corporate challenge tonight

Hey!  I'm doing that next Wednesday!  The fact that it's called the "Corporate Challenge" amuses me to no end.  I expect that there'll be medals for "most attention to detail" and "least offensive personality".

[Maaik]

Now's there a good idea! 

There's also a section about how we do laundry "too much" (there are two of us, we wear clothes each day, and we have an excitable young dog who enjoys running around outside and, on her way back in, occasionally tracks dirt onto rugs, etc.; I tend to think we do a pretty standard amount of laundry for a couple who fits that criteria), as well as a section about "the environmental impact of doing laundry," which of course there is, but it's probably no more problematic than throwing dozens of cigarette butts off your second floor porch onto the front lawn each day

Not to mention the environmental impact of having to do the same load of laundry multiple times because she let it sit for a week sopping wet.

...or, conversely, the environmental impact of being a dirty jerk who smells like mold.

[what whale]

My company is doing this JP Morgan Chase corporate challenge tonight

Hey!  I'm doing that next Wednesday!  The fact that it's called the "Corporate Challenge" amuses me to no end.  I expect that there'll be medals for "most attention to detail" and "least offensive personality".

Are you a runner?  I am not.

And yes, great name!  I wonder who here will win the medal for "Guy or Gal Who Microwaves the Worst Smelling Left-Overs in the Communal Microwave Which Causes Considerable Stirring Among the Receptionists," cause, whoever he or she is, they're doing a hell of a job.

...or, conversely, the environmental impact of being a dirty jerk who smells like mold.

RULES

[Greg Nog]

I guess I'm a runner?  I dunno, my gut instinct is to say no, 'cause that calls to mind someone with a white cap and a heart rate monitor and a greyhound torso.  But then, I do go running, so... yes?  And that means you are too, right?  Assuming you'll be running 3 and half miles, right?

I'm aiming for the "most passive-aggressive e-mailer" medal, myself.

[what whale]

I avoid "cyclist" for the same reason: I don't wear the tight suit or the little cap or any of that, but I do ride my bike a lot.

And while I don't run, I will be running tonight.  I feel like I'm in decent enough shape to make it 3.5 miles (I did it last year, and the hope is that I'm in better shape this year, concerted effort and all).

My desired medal would be "Best Sender Arounder of Articles Related Not to Work But to Play," but I know I'll just end up with the "Only Guy With Beard and Everyone Comments On It, so: Most Commented Upon Beard" medal.

[YojimboMonkey]

I avoid "cyclist" for the same reason: I don't wear the tight suit or the little cap or any of that, but I do ride my bike a lot.

I use cyclist, and those spandex-clad douchebags who would scoff at me and my hybrid bike and my street clothes, well, I have other words for them.


Anyway this office challenge thing sounds pretty OK, I think I would win "Most likely to start drinking before 5pm" but I guess that's not much of a challenge.

[what whale]

I avoid "cyclist" for the same reason: I don't wear the tight suit or the little cap or any of that, but I do ride my bike a lot.

I use cyclist, and those spandex-clad douchebags who would scoff at me and my hybrid bike and my street clothes, well, I have other words for them.


Anyway this office challenge thing sounds pretty OK, I think I would win "Most likely to start drinking before 5pm" but I guess that's not much of a challenge.

I say "Thumbs Up" to everything about this post, Jim.

[Andrew_TSKS]

It's like, you know that scene in "The Burbs" where the youngest Klopek drives the trash to the end of the driveway and beats the shit out of it with a huge stick.  That is how this feels. 

YES! YES!

Were you lurking when I posted my epic review of that movie last month? Because if you didn't know about that, and this is just an awesome coincidence, then I love you forever.

Hell, I do anyway.

[Andrew_TSKS]

I avoid "cyclist" for the same reason: I don't wear the tight suit or the little cap or any of that, but I do ride my bike a lot.

I use cyclist, and those spandex-clad douchebags who would scoff at me and my hybrid bike and my street clothes, well, I have other words for them.

Fuck yeah, TAKIN IT BACK!

There should be a Youth Of Today song called that. As it is, all I can think of is a 25 ta Life song, and Rick Healy barking a lyric will never be as cool as Ray Cappo howling it.

[mixed cats]

rick ta life barking lyrics from on top of a horse, though..

[Andrew_TSKS]

YES! YES! Mixed cats, I now officially love you forever too, because you are apparently one more person on this board who will get my obscure hardcore references!

This calls for a celebration! To wit:

[what whale]

Aw, shucks. 

I do remember seeing that on here, Andrew, yeah, and I also remember enjoying it immensely.  It was especially awesome at the time because I'd just watched The Burbs (a movie which I associate very warmly with childhood, because my dad and I used to watch it together quite often) with my girlfriend a night or two before. 

 

[mixed cats]

I only know some of the hardcore jokes. I'm not particularly involved myself, but have gleaned much information from fiance/the rest of New Jersey.

[elpollodiablo]

Dear new posters,
You both seem like good peoples! Please stick around.
,
epd

[what whale]

Thanks, epd!  I'm lookin' foward to stickin' around!

[Bernard]

Dear hard-of-hearing landlady,

You have some balls leaving me a note asking me to conserve electricity because my husband left the porch light on so I wouldn't break my face, coming home from school at 11:30 at night, when your deaf ass leaves the TV running around the clock and I am having to move out because of it.

I should send you a bill for all the earplugs I've been buying for the last two and a half years in my moronic attempt to compromise.

Die,
B.

[girl]

Dear new posters,
You both seem like good peoples! Please stick around.
,
epd

I'll co-sign this. 

[auto-da-fey]

yeah, me too. thanks to what whale, I'm reminiscing about elementary school days of playing Axis & Allies and the insane racist/xenophobic Red Dawn-like survivalist fantasy Fortress America ("The Asian Peoples Alliance (yellow player)," nice). boy, those were the days.

[Thermofusion]

We used to play the fuck out of Axis & Allies. Never've seen an actual copy of Fortress America, as it (along with most of the Gamemasters games) was never reprinted, but I always wanted to play it because that 1980s Soviet-invasion-of-the-US paranoia stuff is pretty fascinating.

[donblood]

Dear software vendor,

Your technology is awesome and we need it badly.  I've been repping your shit for two years now.  You know the only reason we haven't bought your software is the price point.

Remember when I wanted to buy ten licenses and you quoted me $6,500 per?  And how that was too expensive?  Well if we're thinking about buying forty licenses, $16,800 per license is not only much MORE expensive, it's also a huge insult to our intelligence.  Usually when you buy four times the goods, you get a discount.  This is a concept as old as selling things.

So I guess what I'm saying here is you guys need to check into the nearest mental health facility or crack-smoking rehabilitation hospital or cranio-rectal extraction clinic.

Much love,
dB

[Bernard]

I hate shit like that, dB! 

[davy]

I don't say this to come to the defense of the vendor, but this happens often in the library world, where a vendor will quote one price for an individual license--usually fairly reasonable--but when you start adding on licenses, you pass a particular number and it becomes "institutional" or something, and the price skyrockets.

Fuck, the cost of some of these aggregated databases is unfuckingreal.

[donblood]

See, but that's the thing - it's not because we've crossed into any kind of enterprise agreement.  And they can't possibly sell to small shops anyway.  They are just completely out of their minds.

[donblood]

The discussions went like this:

me:  "We can't do this for more than $150k."
them:  "How does three-quarters of a million dollars strike you?"