The Consolidated "Slate Is Stupid" Thread

Oh, Prudence, you make me feel terrible about myself:

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Q. Dressing for a Man: I have always been a tomboy and only really put a lot of attention to my appearance on special occasions. My job is casual and I must look nice, but there is no reason to get all dressed up. Last week my boyfriend of nine months and I were shopping for some new work clothes for him because he recently got a promotion. As we were shopping, numerous times he either pointed out or tried to get me to try on some more feminine clothing. I finally asked if there was something he wanted to tell me. He said that he wished I put a bit more effort into my appearance and offered to pay for new clothes or some makeup and makeup application lessons. I was floored. We have known each other for years and this is always how I dressed. He told me that it isn't just him who thinks this, but he thinks it might eventually impede job prospects. I am really torn about this. I've never been a girly-girl and my job really does not require anything special. Should I change this about myself because he wants me to?

A: I work at home, so day in day out my outfit consists of casual pants, a T-shirt, and zip sweat shirt. It's my look, but at least I know I look like crap. (I also have a teenage daughter to remind me.) But you are a young professional. The adage for people in your position is, "Dress for the job you want." But you're saying to everyone, "I'm the casual tomboy who's not going anywhere." It sounds as if your boyfriend and friends have been thinking of submitting your name to What Not To Wear. But before Stacy London gets a hold of you, realize that doing the most with what you have is not selling yourself out. Go to a department store, get a personal shopper and give her a budget. Get a makeup application at the cosmetics counter and buy some basics. Marie Claire magazine has regular features on dressing for the job. I promise you that making yourself as attractive as possible will result in some pleasant rewards.

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Q. Re: Dressing for a Man: Prudie, as a tomboy myself I agree with your advice to have the O.P. consider actually getting some makeup application lessons from those department-store counters (maybe personal shopper help? Lord and Taylor offers them free in some locations) if only to help her realize how putting an effort into her appearance will actually help in her career. (It helped me in mine.) HOWEVER, the big issue here is the fact that her boyfriend is TELLING her to start wearing makeup and dress differently. For me, that would be a bit of a red flag. Although I know that dressing a certain way will help me at work, I still would much rather date someone who loves me best when I look most like “myself” in my everyday life.

A: But she always looks like her unadorned self. I don't think there's anything wrong with a boyfriend who would occasionally like his girlfriend to enhance her prettiness. Turn it around—it doesn't seem so objectionable for a woman to say, "Babe, I want to take you shopping. I think a nicer wardrobe and a better haircut would make a good impression at work, and I'd enjoy it, too. "