Books to the ceiling, books to the sky! (The All-New Reading Thread)

[Good Intentions]

I don't know about you, but I wasn't socialised by being seduced by a prostitute-priestess and having sex for a week without end. But different strokes, I guess.

How about this one? This is after Osiris is tricked and murdered by his brother Set, who then (after some other improbably events) chops Osiris up into 13 pieces and spreads these all around Egypt.

Consequently, the story became that before resurrecting Osiris, Isis put together 12 of the 13 parts, but was unable to find the 13th, his penis, which was eaten by the oxyrhynchus fish (a fish with an unusual curved snout resembling depictions of Set). So Isis created a phallus for him, and then attempted to revive him. In some versions, Isis sang a song around Osiris until he came back to life. She then took the form of a kite and flew around his body in order to conceive Horus. In other tellings of the story, Isis grows wings and hovers over Osiris. She breathes life into him in order to revive him and conceive Horus. Being simultaneously alive and dead, Osiris became the god and king of the afterlife.

[girl]

Yeah, that one's weird.

[Little Sixes Little Nines]

i've done it

[Ignatius]

Also swans raping people.

[jess]

Having worked with swans (when I was working at a wildlife clinic), I can totally see why people would write that. Not that big of a leap from birds that would happily try to rip your face off and beat you with their giant wings to that. Swans are scary motherfuckers.

[davy]

This is hilarious and great fun to read:

[coldforge]

I read his Year of Living Biblically. Pretty good stuff, though the more gimmick-writing-about-quixotic-projects books you read by one author, the worse they all come off.

[Greg Nog]

Yeah, that's how I burned out on Dave Gorman and Danny Wallace.

[davy]

I read his Year of Living Biblically. Pretty good stuff, though the more gimmick-writing-about-quixotic-projects books you read by one author, the worse they all come off.

I've heard of that book but had no idea it was the same author. I see your point, but I'm enjoying this one nonetheless.

[elpollodiablo]

I like that guy whenever I hear him on NPR, but I don't think I'd have much interest in reading him.

Con't here http://www.lastplanetojakarta.com/forums/index.php/topic,11633.0.html

[Bernard]

MAGIC TORTURE DILDO 4 LYFE

note to self: omitting the quotes around "magic torture dildo" yields very different results

bumped for the chuckle I got from seeing this old post with my new sigfile

[davy]

Princess Violet glared at him. "My mother says that Confessor Kahlan will come back and that we'll have a surprise for her the next time she comes here. I just want you to know because my mother said you'll be dead by then. My mother says I get to decide what to do to her. First, I'm going to cut off her hair." Her hands were in fists, her face red. "Then I'm going to let all the guards rape her, every one! Then I'm going to put her in the dungeon for a few years so they'll have someone to play with! Then when I get tired of hurting her, I'll have her head chopped off and put it on a pole where I can watch it rot!"
Richard actually felt sorry for the little Princess. The sadness for her came over him in a wave. At that feeling, he was surprised to feel the thing in him that had come awake rise up.
Princess Violet squeezed her eyes shut, stuck her tongue out far as she could.
It was like a red flag.
The strength of the awakened power exploded through him.
He could feel her jaw shatter like a crystal goblet on a stone floor when his boot came up under it. The impact of the blow lifted the Princess into the air. Her own teeth severed her tongue before they, too, shattered. She landed on her back, a good distance away, trying to scream through the gushing blood.

Ah, yes. This is strange--if a tiny bit gratifying--to read, since I just watched the first Princess Violet episode a few days ago. She was pretty insufferable, it's true, but come on, she's like 8 years old. So here's hoping the television Seeker eases up on the jaw-shattering.

[coldforge]

At that feeling, he was surprised to feel the thing in him that had come awake rise up.

The worst part is this just screams 'boner' to me

[davy]

Totally.

NB: I got to see the Magic Torture Dildo in action again today! Apparently, it does not work on people who are immune to magic!

[YojimboMonkey]

Princess Violet glared at him. "My mother says that Confessor Kahlan will come back and that we'll have a surprise for her the next time she comes here. I just want you to know because my mother said you'll be dead by then. My mother says I get to decide what to do to her. First, I'm going to cut off her hair." Her hands were in fists, her face red. "Then I'm going to let all the guards rape her, every one! Then I'm going to put her in the dungeon for a few years so they'll have someone to play with! Then when I get tired of hurting her, I'll have her head chopped off and put it on a pole where I can watch it rot!"
Richard actually felt sorry for the little Princess. The sadness for her came over him in a wave. At that feeling, he was surprised to feel the thing in him that had come awake rise up.
Princess Violet squeezed her eyes shut, stuck her tongue out far as she could.
It was like a red flag.
The strength of the awakened power exploded through him.
He could feel her jaw shatter like a crystal goblet on a stone floor when his boot came up under it. The impact of the blow lifted the Princess into the air. Her own teeth severed her tongue before they, too, shattered. She landed on her back, a good distance away, trying to scream through the gushing blood.

Ah, yes. This is strange--if a tiny bit gratifying--to read, since I just watched the first Princess Violet episode a few days ago. She was pretty insufferable, it's true, but come on, she's like 8 years old. So here's hoping the television Seeker eases up on the jaw-shattering.

watchin princess violet right now and a shattered jaw doesn't seem all that excessive

ok maybe not a shattered jaw but some kind of pain and humiliation is definitely in order

[davy]

She did stick out her tongue, after all. It was like a red flag, you know.

Dude, if you're watching the DVDs, do NOT miss the interview with Terry Goodkind on the last disc. Fucking priceless. That guy is just...man...I don't even know. It exceeded my wildest expectations. Dude built his own house, races formula 1 cars, dabbles in painting, constructed a forest realm in his backyard to mimic the Midlands (or vice versa), and just generally takes himself so fucking seriously it's ridiculous. All these accomplishments, you'd think the man would have some interesting things to say, but no, the gloop that comes out of his mouth is the tritest, most self-congratulating bullshit you'll ever hear. Absolute hilarity.

And that's to say nothing of his actual voice, which has to be heard to be believed.

[YojimboMonkey]

I'm watchin this shit streaming on netflix so unfortunately I'll have to miss that

[davy]

I just finished the season finale a few minutes ago. I can't tell whether or not it's because A) the quality really picked up towards the end, or B) I successfully adapted to the show's many quirks, but whatever the case, it was hell of satisfying.

I mean, it was probably a mix of A & B. Doesn't matter, really. It was FUN.

Season 2 is not yet available on DVD--hell, I think it's still in progress on ABC or whatever--but the new episodes are already streaming on Netflix alongside Season 1. We got the scoop.

I'm watchin this shit streaming on netflix so unfortunately I'll have to miss that

I gotcha covered, brother:

Goodkind Interview on Youtube, Part 1

Goodkind Interview on Youtube, Part 2

[Bernard]

I'm watchin this shit streaming

huh huh huh</butthead>