Baby Love

[Bernard]

I am being subjected to multiple baby showers.

After my experience at the wedding, I already know that people are going to get us gifts no matter how many times we insist we don't want gifts, send them links to charities, etc. I have a list of kids' books, so there are plenty of things people can get that are $5-15, but the grandparents especially are going to be plotting to buy bigger stuff, and I don't want somebody else's idea of an awesome changing table, that may have pink lace ruffles or something.

What are some key things you need for a baby under a year old?

[kadiekatRN]

I can link you to my sister's registries.  She needs more stuff b/c she's having twins, though.

http://www.target.com/registry/baby/5DA5SKQO6JNS
http://www.toysrus.com/ControllerServlet?searchBy=&defLName=kralik&defFName=&defCity=&defState=MN&maidenName=&maidFName=&maidCity=&maidState=&registryNumber=&submit.x=54&submit.y=9&target=search&userType=giftGiver&searchForPerson=primReg&whereTo=viewRegistry&firstName=&lastName=kralik&city=&state=MN

This may not be the most helpful, as she asked for a ton of stuff.

[Bernard]

No, more ideas are better. Thank you! I currently have a changing table, car seat, breast pump, and 53 kid's books.

PS Congratulations to your sister!

[heather marie]

I was reading some blog where the mom-to-be had a baby shower but insisted that there were to be no gifts and everyone bring a baby book. Surprisingly, it worked!

Also, if people do insist on gifts, you can always specify you want gift cards, that way you can buy the essentials and skip the lead-based toys & plastics made in China.

[kadiekatRN]

I strongly suggest getting (and I'm guessing you already have some of these things):
a bouncer chair (preferably w/ a little thing that can vibrates--many babies love that)
a crib and mattress
a pack'n'play (My nephew slept in one for a long time b/c his parents wanted him in the room w/ them & now they still use it while traveling)
a stroller
a high chair
a baby bjorn or sling
a good diaper bag
A million flannel receiving blankets
baby bath tub/baby bath chair
Bottles and nipples
Onesies--even the basic cheapie ones.  That way if they poop all over it, you can just cut them off.
Baby monitor
Baby gates (although this can wait until baby's creeping and then only if you stairs)

Some stuff that some parents I know swear by:
Boppy nursing pillow (also great for propping baby up/positioning)
Exersaucer
Swaddle blankets (made for swaddling, using velcro, etc--harder to bust out of.  Personally, I'm the bomb diggity of swaddling w/ a flannel/other fabric blanket).
Bumbo seat (personally, I think they're dumb)
Soothers like this: http://www.target.com/K3800-Fisher-Price-Waterfall-Soother/dp/B000JIMVV4/qid=1248659411/ref=br_1_1/175-3907033-6139124?ie=UTF8&node=240651011&frombrowse=1&rh=&page=1

Congrats to you!  Also, right now I'm somewhat horrified by how much I know about these things as a childless person.  Although, I guess I am a pediatric nurse.

ETA:  It's old news that you're expecting, but I don't know when you're due.  How far along are you?

[G.C.R]

(preferably w/ a little thing that can vibrates--many babies love that)

not just babies amirite
what on earth is a Bumbo Seat?

[Bernard]

Thanks, dudes. I'm currently in the information-vacuuming phase, so I'm still figuring out what I do and don't want. I'm 27 weeks at the moment.

One friend had a onesie-decorating table at her baby shower, which I thought was very nice, actually. I still have slight misprints from onesies I've silk-screened for other friends, so I think I'll have a good head start on those.

[clare]

what on earth is a Bumbo Seat?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j5dPMtuZsCw (Watch out for laughing too hard)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgVqiZyZvi0 (Erik in his)

We love the Bumbo here, it means I can have a shower.

Kadiekat's list is pretty comprehensive, and there are alternatives to lots of things. For instance we have a chair that hooks on to the regular table instead of a high chair. Pros: E is close to where I sit so feeding is easy;  he's included at the table so ' family meals' go better; you can take it with you when you go out/away. Cons: more mess that is harder to clean up; less room at the table for grown-ups chairs. Steer clear of the Stokke high chair, it looks good, but has a really dangerous feature which there is a youtube video of...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJF7vD9nFrA

Some people prefer to put their baby in a bassinette or cradle to begin with, rather than straight into a crib/cot, but like everything, it's a matter of personal preference. We used one because we had one already (family one) but wouldn't've bought one specifically. There's a cool cot/crib I've seen in the shops that is kind of oval shaped and you extend it as the baby grows longer. Bloody expensive though.

Swaddling rocks, as long as your baby likes it (most do).

Some kind of 'play mat' with or without a play gym for lying around on the floor and 'tummy time' as it's called can be good. I have a quilt that my aunt made, and another mat that we bought. Both have bright colours that E liked to look at as a tiny baby. Mobiles over the change table are good, especially for distraction as the baby gets older and starts rolling when you're trying to change them.

Obviously you'll need millions of whatever kind of nappy (diaper) you choose to use. If you're using disposables and disposable wipes, I know parents who buy up lots of them when they're pregnant and the nappies are on special at the supermarket, that way they never pay full price. Ditto wipes.  Actually if you're using modern cloth you won't need quite so many, but I'm not really down with that scene in the US (I use a mix of disposables and terry squares, depending on the day and what I'm up to) but I know there is a truckload of choice in that department. Googling 'modern cloth diaper' gets you somewhere. If you want to use cloth, but the washing seems daunting, there may be services in your area who deliver clean ones weekly and take the dirty ones away to wash. I had a nappy service with the big boy. It was great.

God I could go on for hours. Someone stop me...

[Bernard]

I'm not the one to stop you! The whole cloth vs. disposables issue is a tough one -- in Los Angeles especially, water conservation is a big issue. Some parents seem very adept with cloth and can't find a disposable that's a good fit, and with others it's the other way around. As mentioned previously in another thread (I think), I have some friends who've had good luck with 'elimination communication' -- a form of very early potty training that consists basically of getting to know your kid's digestion patterns and giving them a cue to let them know it's a good time/place to go. Saves on diapers, and presumably also on diaper rash. My cousin tried it with her son and it didn't seem to take.

I have a good book on different swaddling patterns, and when I was caring for a friend's newborn I automatically swaddled him when he cried without really thinking about it, it just seemed like a natural reaction to little flailing limbs.

[YojimboMonkey]

what on earth is a Bumbo Seat?

I saw this and thought it said "burrito seat" which made me think of

swaddling

which I always thought of as "making a baby burrito"

anyway I don't know if I can expand on anything, fuckloads of diapers and wipes, also a ton of those little swaddling blankets 'cause they get shit on them and you will need a whole bunch of clean ones.

[G.C.R]

Those Bumbo Seats look great! Erik looks like he is getting things done from that thing (especially the impatient foot tapping and then scooting his way across the floor.

[clare]

He's definitely a multi-tasker that one. Always thinking about the next big move...

I thought of something else Bernard. Bath options. I've heard some rave reviews about the Tummy Tub lately. I had a change table/bath setup with Erik where the table lifted up and the bath was underneath. It was OK, but I reckon this might be easier, and it hardly uses any water.

I know some people who do EC with their kids and swear by it. I tried a bit with E, but we couldn't get the hang of it, though he does know if he's going to pee now, so I could proabbly start again. I wasn't consistent enough to get with the whole Chinese method of signalling to your baby though, and his 'signs' to me weren't clear enough for me to tell.

[davy]

Man, we decided we could go without the changing table and that was a pretty bad mistake. That's my best advice: spring for the changing table.

Also, curiously, we found that we didn't use our slings, etc. very often. In certain types of circumstances, they were helpful, but we kept spending $80-$100 a pop on them (bigger sizes as Finn got bigger), and honestly, we never used them enough to justify the price tag.

[Bernard]

Yeah, the size thing is an issue in a lot of ways -- right now I am looking at co-sleep bassinets -- sort of a tiny crib on wheels that attaches to the parents' bed, with a side that slides down for night feedings when she's a newborn, slides up and the legs come off to make a playpen when she's too big for that, then the legs go back on and the side goes down and it becomes a sort of loveseat for storytime when she's too big for a playpen. Right now we don't have space for a regular-size crib, and our bed is too small for in-bed co-sleeping. Likewise we're looking at a changing table that converts into a set of drawers, so we can get multiple uses out of the big-ticket items.

I have a friend who used a tummy tub with her second and highly recommends it, so I may go for that, though as best I could determine, it's essentially just a small bucket.

What about breast pumps? Any pro/cons on particular models? I'm thinking right now that I don't need a baby monitor (we only have one room, no nursery) but maybe there's something that's not coming to mind. I've never used a baby monitor, I've always just used my ears. Are they really handy in some particular type of situation?

Also, the next time some self-important family member tenders an unsolicited and unwelcome opinion on what I should name the baby, I'm naming her HITLER TAMPON.

[davy]

We never used a monitor and never felt the need to.

Also, we used cloth diapers exclusively until Finn grew out of the hand-me-downs we'd been given. About two years' worth. Saved a heap of money. At that point, we decided that since we'd be potty training him soon, it wouldn't really be worth the investment to buy a bunch more cloth diapers. When we started training we used a modified (i.e. less strict) form of EC, and it seemed to work pretty well. Finn's potty training was amazingly low stress.

I'll say that I suspect using cloth diapers prepares you for potty training in a way that disposables maybe don't.

[clare]

I use a monitor, but ours is crap. It's a Roger Armstrong. Avoid it. Our house isn't too big, but the bedroom is at one end and the living areas at the other. E doesn't sleep well, so we have doors closed in between. It means I hear him before I would otherwise, and he doesn't have to get really worked up to attract my attention, which was important to me. (I can't leave my babies to cry, but I know other people can). A good feature (which ours doesn't have) is to have both the child and the parent end portable, rather than having to be plugged in. It means you can charge both units up and take them away (camping or to a friend's house, or out to the car, if she falls asleep and you don't want to move her) without having to worry about powering them.

Breast pumps - lots of different options, mainly electric vs hand powered. I think the La Leche League could be of some help if you haven't already checked them out. Or the Australian Breastfeeeding Association page has a truckoad of information that is pretty well organised. I used a pump a bit, but I didn't ever need to pump, as I didn't have to go back to work while either of my boys were still BFing. Mine was a hand pump - I think made by Avent, and it was OK. I was never very good at it though. I had as much success hand expressing

The co-sleeper bassinettes are very good, I'd be using one if we didn't have a futon. One that you can use for other things after the baby grows out of it sounds like a great plan. The change-table-on-chest-of-drawers design is popular here, and a very good one too, I reckon.

I've heard people say similar things to Davy about potty training and cloth vs disposable, but it's hard to tell. What people say is that the child gets to know what it feels like to be 'wet' in cloth in a way they don't in disposables, but you get to weigh up all the pros and cons of both. I figured it didn't matter either way in the end - production of disposable vs washing of cloth. I do use the eco disposables that biodegrade though, but again they're not locally produced, so you can tie yourself into all kinds of knots!

[Bernard]

We do live in semi-hippie LA, so I imagine there are reasonably-priced diaper services. We don't have any hand-me-downs, but I wonder if I could get some if I ask around.

That's a good point about having both ends of a monitor be portable, and yeah, I expect we will be spending a lot of time visiting relatives, especially my grandparents, and I can see how a monitor could be useful at their place.

Davy, I'm curious -- did you find you used a stroller more because you used the basket to carry stuff, or did you just carry him in your arms? Why was the sling not useful? I'm not worried about the expense, a friend will sew me one, and we did already get a stroller, but I'm curious about your experience.

[clare]

We do live in semi-hippie LA, so I imagine there are reasonably-priced diaper services. We don't have any hand-me-downs, but I wonder if I could get some if I ask around.

There's a big market in second-hand modern cloth as they last so well. Even just Ebay, but there are dedicated sites, none of which I know for the US, htough I have a friend who used to sell them (and other stuff) so I can ask her if you like. The wash and deliver service here worked on a central pool of nappies -  they own them, you just pay to use them. Though it's very handy to have some spare.

As you can imagine I can talk about slings until your eyes glaze over. Let me know if you want me to, but if you've got someone who is sewing you one, it sounds like you've got it covered. Getting a hand with using it can be really helpful though.

[Johnp]

Bernard - congrats! That old 'Children/No Children' thread seems like it's from another age.

Actually, it is.

We used the Bjorn sling (great), disposables all the way and bottle feeding after the first few weeks (Great, divisive (aren't they all) article on Breast Is Not Best in a recent Atlantic Monthly.).

We bought a cot (crib) that converts into a bed up to about 4 yr old. No complaints.

Jp., easing back into this thing.

[milesofsparks]

one or the other is required for bedtime readings:


and/or



also, lots of art.  babies need art on the walls.  if you need some, pm me your address and I will send a photo or two.

[Bernard]

Welcome back, jp! Those are some fine-looking little ones you've got there. We should start 'photos of your kids' thread. Hm. Well, maybe not here. Maybe someplace more lockable.

Those books look good, mos, thanks for the suggestion, I'll add them to the gift registry.

Reading back through that old thread was interesting. I'm happy to say that so far, so good. I got pregnant in our fourth month of trying, and the pregnancy's been textbook-solid so far. The approach of hoping for the best but preparing for the worst has worked well for us so far.

PS: Just parking these links here for now:

http://www.gdiapers.com/happy-planet/great-debate
http://www.kk.org/cooltools/archives/001050.php

[Bernard]

Here's the article: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding/3

It's sort of misleadingly titled though. It makes the case that breastfeeding doesn't prevent cancer, which I didn't think it did, and that women who have to go back to work right away often find it difficult to pump/store, and it's uncool to guilt trip them, which seems obvious enough. I suppose I don't really see why it's a controversial article? It doesn't seem to say that breast milk makes children sickly or causes them developmental harm.

[kadiekatRN]

That was actually a pretty good article--and I agree it's not exactly against breast-feeding.

A good friend of mine tried breastfeeding, but had several set-backs--poor latch, mastitis, a baby w/ a broken collarbone (an injury that happened during birth) w/ lead to fewer positions.  She was made to feel really bad about deciding to switch to formula. 

Were I to have a baby, I think I'd breastfeed, especially at first, as I will have a good maternity leave and I work at a pumping-friendly workplace.  That said, I also don't think I'd be too upset if it didn't work out.

That diaper-free book looks insane. 

[Johnp]

Here's the article: http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200904/case-against-breastfeeding/3
I suppose I don't really see why it's a controversial article?

More divisive than controversial. (Try finding a unifying one!) The letters page the month after was where it got a bit cattier. There was a letter writing campaign organised with hundreds of identical, pro-breast letters submitted (not sure the correspondence is online). Thought Rosin tried to inject a dose of reality into the ever-polar debate.

(We avoided the La Leche crew &c. - nothing like trying to guilt a new mother when her defenses are low, right?)

There is but one rule: Shower the baby with more love and attention than seems necessary or possible!

1a.) And get Larkin's 'This Be The Verse' framed in the nursery:

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
  They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
  And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
  By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
  And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
  It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
  And don't have any kids yourself.

[Johnp]

Our Joe hated the bumbo. Poor chap's thighs are a little too girthsome. Loves his baby gym. And eating house plants.

I'm thinking right now that I don't need a baby monitor (we only have one room, no nursery) but maybe there's something that's not coming to mind. I've never used a baby monitor, I've always just used my ears. Are they really handy in some particular type of situation?

Emmm, one that lights up is handy if you're smoking cigs up the extractor fan... allegedly.

I do use the eco disposables that biodegrade though, but again they're not locally produced, so you can tie yourself into all kinds of knots

Those German ones? They're more than twice the price of regular nappies!