OK, you can stop now: new 'stupid things' thread

[Antero]

Courtesy of FOX:
Newt Gingrich's three marriages mean he might make a strong president -- really

[Babar]

http://blog.mpaa.org/BlogOS/post/2012/01/17/Senator-Dodd-On-Troubling-Developments-of-Blackout-Day-.aspx

In which Chris Dodd trolls the entire internet

End the MPAA

[jebreject]

& the RIAA, forfuckssakes

[Chet]

Oh man, have you seen that Film Crit HULK thing? it's supposed to be film reviews in the style of the Incredible Hulk, but really it's just film reviews in capital letters.

[elpollodiablo]

I'll just leave this here

[Antero]

tags: "feminism" "death of"

[Antero]

http://gawker.com/5885496/love-lies-and-liz-taylor-a-literary-cheating-scandal-at-vogue-and-vanity-fair

Behind his poor posture and neurasthenic demeanor was the body of a man, fully formed.

Behind his poor posture and neurasthenic demeanor was the body of a man, fully formed.

Behind his poor posture and neurasthenic demeanor was the body of a man, fully formed.

Behind his poor posture and neurasthenic demeanor was the body of a man, fully formed.

[elpollodiablo]

Take it from me, that means he has boobs

[elpollodiablo]

Dear People Who Judge My Single, Post-College Lifestyle -

I am 27 years old, and on occasion I still drink until I throw up. In the case I do not throw up, I usually eat twice the calories I normally do the following day. Sometimes I even get drunk during the week. This past autumn I fell down the stairs at a college football game and kissed someone’s boss in front of clients while bleeding from the knees.

I realize these actions may appear destructive to you. However, I believe daily Facebook updates from former high school classmates featuring their children dressed up in a variety of holiday outfits to be just as disturbing. So too are those updates from alums that haven’t yet conceived America’s next happiest baby, and instead post five sentences about how sleepy their dogs are. I’m supposed to care that their dogs are tired?

Why can I no longer have conversations with people in relationships that don’t involve being interrupted by an inanimate object, like a pair of their boyfriend’s underwear or a barking mammal? Why is it a crime that I don’t want a house of Value City Furniture 35 minutes away from a metropolitan area with access only to strip malls? Not everyone enjoys driving in four lanes of traffic on their way to Red Lobster. Why is it that for years we tried to drink close to the city, but now we want to venture off to “El Rancho” for cheap tequila and barstools we don’t have to fight for?

Why does everyone think singles are chock full of single-person stories? Us singles also have the ability to go home alone and, on occasion, make rational decisions. We also have the ability to choose a sexual partner at random and at will. This does not necessarily make us sluttier. Is coupledom paired with selective memory? Do couples suddenly forget about the bad sexual choices they made on a belly full of cheese fries or illegal drugs? When we go out together, am I no longer allowed to go home with some random guy? Does you giving up your sexual choices mean that I need to abandon my own?

Yet still more questions for you, judgers: Does Bed, Bath and Beyond really require a 16-month pre-registration? Do people actually like shiny vests under rented jackets? Why do committed friends of committed friends not know how to talk to me since there isn’t a relationship to ask about? Are chocolate fountains real? Why do women in long-term relationships stop wearing high heels and start dressing like my fourth grade music teacher? Why do I have to make plans with you four weeks in advance? Why are you so tired all the time?

Listen, I take care of myself. I am in better shape than when I was bonging kegs in college and eating Penn Station for lunch. Sometimes I even cook. My refrigerator usually has more than hot sauce, celery and a NuvaRing in it. With that said, there is no shame in standing naked in your kitchen dipping french bread into mug full of olive oil.

I have a full-time grown-up job. I have coworkers and friends at work. I make money. I pay my bills. Some weeks my bar tab is more than my grocery tab, but I am not saving for a fancy new dresser or a light switch cover. This does not make me irresponsible; it makes me 27 and single and happy.

— Cleo

http://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/an-open-letter-to-people-who-judge-my-single-post-college-lifestyle

Guessing I'll soon be down a FB friend cuz I shared my honest reaction with the person who posted it

[jm]

1) What is even the point of that?
1a) like is it mocking the fictional person who "wrote" it—as with most McSweeney's things—or the fictional people it's addressed to?
2) What was your response?

[elpollodiablo]

1) I think the point of it is declared forthrightly within it
1a) I doubt very, very much that this was written in a spirit of ironic self-deprecation, and it absolutely wasn't reposted in that spirit
2) Basically it was "None of those things would make me judge you unless you wrote about them in the manner of a spoiled 15 year old"

[jm]

1+1a) I guess I lost any kind of ability to judge intent with McSweeney's shit after that "I'm Comic Sans, I'm fun, motherfucker" piece.*
2) nice.

* that is, McSweeney's's whole thing is being not-at-all-serious, but I just can't tell anymore.

[elpollodiablo]

Hell yeah OWNING BITCHES on Facebook on a SATURDAY MORNING yo

[jm]

the sport of kings

[elpollodiablo]

I mean I suppose it is possible that I'm utterly misreading the piece since I read about 1 McSweeney's piece a year and thus am not too familiar with the publication's internal logic. If it is meant to be ironic, then I guess it is a pretty brilliant takedown of people with dumb ideas

[Ashley]

I feel like McSweeny's expects you to have a "why would somebody write that" reaction.  I mean, I have some McSweeny's journals or whatever that I remember going "what the fuck am I reading? how is this in a book?  how is this in a book that is in my hands?"

i think that's why they're short stories.  you can remain in that "what the fuck is this" mode juuust until it's over.

[jm]

Yeah, I have only read probably ~20ish McSweeney's things, ever.  And for the longest time, I always assumed that they were all (or at least "mostly" with a wide majority) pieces written with some explicitly-stated putative author's voice being the main thrust of the "joke".  But given how rarely I actually find them funny taking that into account, I really just straight up don't understand their shit.

[dieblucasdie]

I feel like McSweeny's expects you to have a "why would somebody write that" reaction.  I mean, I have some McSweeny's journals or whatever that I remember going "what the fuck am I reading? how is this in a book?  how is this in a book that is in my hands?"

i think that's why they're short stories.  you can remain in that "what the fuck is this" mode juuust until it's over.

This is about right for their literary fiction, but yeah, their internet stuff is basically just sub-sub-Onion troll-ey short humor pieces designed to get reposts on social networks sites.

[Ignatius]

I won a Friday contest 9 years ago and they still haven't sent me my fucking prize.

[elpollodiablo]

I feel kinda bad reposting this here because the girl is only 21, but it I've seen it on FB twice today already

Some questions for “feminists” who aren’t vegan.
I’ve been meaning to write about this for a while, because I seem to never be able to escape all of you illogical so-called feminists who aren’t vegans. I’m really trying to wrap my head around you guys. I keep coming across “feminist” blogs who are self-proclaimed cheese lovers or dairy fanatics, or feminists who are so enthralled in defending women’s rights, all while completely disregarding the ways in which they themselves are supporting an entire system that exploits billions of females’ bodies every year. The dairy industry being the main one you all seem to so shamelessly have some sort of sick infatuation with. I’m just so sick of your bullshit, I really can’t take it anymore.
I can safely assume that you all are strong proponents for body autonomy, and you all believe (as a major aspect of feminism) that no female’s body is someone else’s for the taking, right? You all so blatantly promote the idea that only the individual gets a say in what happens to her body and no one has the right to use a woman’s body or treat a woman as if she’s simply a vessel for reproduction. And this is an absolutely valid and essential fight that needs so much more attention than it currently has, I’m a feminist myself and I back these struggles 100%.
But why is it that you constantly fight for your rights to your own body, and you vehemently insist that no female’s body is up for subjugation and manipulation at someone else’s discretion, all while doing the same to countless other females? Why are you allowed to cast aside all of the plights and utter manipulation so many female animals are currently facing? What makes their suffering so different from your own, or any other woman’s? Are their bodies not being turned into machines? Are they not being objectified? Are their reproductive systems not being exploited and claimed as public property under a patriarchal system? What gives you (or anyone else) the right to have complete domination over another being’s body like that?
You cannot claim to be against the oppression of females and fight against gender inequality while eating animal products or supporting animal exploitation of any form. It’s just so absolutely outlandish given the ways that our patriarchal culture is so heavily rooted within animal agriculture. It is debatable that perhaps the animal agriculture system is where the entire patriarchal system began. Do you not understand that the meat, dairy, and egg industries flourish off of the subjugation of females and their reproductive systems? Can you not see that this entire system is built around the principle of reproductive control of female bodies and the objectification of them? They literally thrive off of female oppression. In fact, they wouldn’t even exist without it. The ways that these animals are treated is the exact same as the way human females have been treated since the dawn of time. Having compartmentalized compassion and only believing that some females should be respected as individuals is so ass-backwards I can’t even comprehend it.
Sows are thrown into gestation crates and their entire miserable lives consist of nothing more than being viewed as incubators and units of mass production. They live in stalls so narrow that they can’t even turn around, most of them spend the duration of their lives wallowing in their own feces. They are repeatedly inseminated, again and again, only to give birth to endless litters of piglets until they are “spent” and their bodies are no longer “profitable,” so they are then killed. Egg-laying hens are seen as nothing more than items and their bodies are also abused and their lives are stolen from them so that they can be forced into mass production for agricultural businesses.
Dairy cows are treated as mere milk machines. They’re continuously impregnated just like sows, and they are repeatedly milked throughout their lives. Dairy cows are intentionally kept underweight because all of the energy from the food they consume goes right out of their bodies and into the milk they secrete, which is supposed to be feeding their babies. Instead, their babies are stolen from them, their babies are slaughtered and disposed of, while the mothers are kept alive in order to be used as production vessels. Animal agriculture robs all animals of their individuality and body autonomy, but especially female animals. Female animals have arguably some of the worst treatment inflicted onto them all because of the fact that they have a uterus which deems them to a life of reproductive exploitation and commodification. Whether it’s their milk, their eggs, or simply their uterus that the government is after, being able to produce any of these things guarantees that animal a life of absolute hell as a reproductive slave.
Tell me that is not exactly what you claim to be against as a feminist. Tell me that these industries don’t profit off of the exploitation of females, I fucking dare you. If I see one more “feminist” who so proudly supports the subjugation of other females and rants about how much they just “LOoOoOoOoVe cheese and milk and eggs~!” (i.e. products which are the epitome of our patriarchal system), I’m going to have to start breaking some necks. You are not feminists. You’re fucking hypocrites and nothing more. Either fight for the right of every individual’s body autonomy and refuse to continue supporting industries that revolve around the oppression of females, or shut your mouths and admit that you don’t truly believe in equality.
Most of you know exactly what it feels like to be treated like dirt, to be told that you’re a lesser gender. You know what it means to be viewed as nothing but a body. You understand how awful it is to be objectified constantly, to be looked down on and to be cast aside all because you’re viewed as less powerful and less important and less worthy of consideration as men are. You know what it feels like to have your autonomy denied to you. So why the fuck are you turning around and doing it to these animals? By supporting animal agriculture and other industries that oppress and exploit animals, you are treating these animals exactly as I just described. You are brushing aside another female’s suffering. You’re ignoring the ways in which other females are being exploited and taken advantage of. You’re saying it’s okay to treat another female as nothing more than a body. The very things you want to destroy, you are constantly perpetuating every time you consume animal products of any kind. It is only through a vegan lifestyle that one can truly embrace feminism for what it genuinely is.
I really can’t do anything but scoff at those of you who claim to support gender equality and women’s rights all while you blindly shovel things down your throat that were produced through the rape, reproductive system manipulation, and exploitation of such a vast number of other females. Those females are just as worthy of your consideration as anyone else is. Their bodies and their lives are just as much their own as yours is. So next time, before you want to start talking about how the government needs to stay out of your body and your life, you sure as hell better make sure that your own lifestyle doesn’t entirely revolve around objectifying other females and exploiting someone else’s body.

http://quoilecanard.tumblr.com/post/18582887161/some-questions-for-feminists-who-arent-vegan

[jess]

If you are in a trolling state of mind, you can always suggest she is the bad feminist for conflating the constructs of gender and biological sex—I bet that will go over well.

[peacocks]

that's brilliant

[Antero]

If you are in a trolling state of mind, you can always suggest she is the bad feminist for conflating the constructs of gender and biological sex—I bet that will go over well.

Oh man, do this.

[Greg Nog]

If you are in a trolling state of mind, you can always suggest she is the bad feminist for conflating the constructs of gender and biological sex—I bet that will go over well.

Oh man, do this.

RAW AS HELL

Throw in the word cisprivilege like a match on the gasoline

[Black Amnesia of Heaven]

Some questions for “feminists” who aren’t vegan.

NOPE, ABORT, RUN AWAY