Toodles to You Bitches: LPTJ Best of 2010 Results/Mix

[coldforge]

Well, I like it when they make it easy on you. I don't like Bob Dylan. So I don't like The Tallest Man on Earth, either. Easy peasy Japanesey. For the next 2:16 I will let you know a little about my listening situation over here.

As mentioned, the Lagunitas Censored Copper Ale is on tap for now. This is a fine beer. It's sessionable. But that also means it lacks a fully developed character; it imposes itself not upon the drinker. I've got a bottle of Maredsous in the fridge, though. That's a motherfucker of a beer.

I've got a couple new pairs of pants in my dresser. At times like this. when utterly forgettable singer songwriter triper washes painlessly over my ears, my thoughts turn to those pants. I can't wait to wear them. But there's so much slush on the road.

[coldforge]

Sun City Girls—Wasn't this on last year? Is that the same as Sun Kil Moon? I have absolutely no power to differentiate. We have... What. Multitracked hushed vocals, multitracked acoustic guitar. Organ? Again. And again. Some fun feedbacky bits. And... back to the multitracked acoustic guitar. Seriously. Didn't you people ever go to college? When you were at said college, didn't you ever go to a show and see that douchebag, who wore his top three buttons unbuttoned on his shirt, and played a series of incredibly simple 1-chord routines on his acoustic, and fed them all into his looping pedal, and then sort of sang but not really on top? THAT'S THIS GUY. Don't let the organ fool you! This is that douchebag! All you need is one key! Nay, one chord! Pick whatever notes you want! It doesn't matter, there's no harmonic motion! Just tell people it's inspired by African desert blues! You are that douchebag! And you bedded the girl I was in love with. She never saw. She never understood. You are that girl, LPTJ. AND that douchebag. And I?

[mountmccabe]

Calm down, there are power chords coming up.

[coldforge]

Oh, awesome. I actually really like that Superchunk song I saw on... I want to say Colbert. Is this the same track? John was on it. What's not to like? John Wurster is also one half of Scharpling & Wurster. Oh this is definitely the same song. I have an excellent musical memory. Anyway. Scharpling & Wurster. He calls in to nearly every Best Show on WFMU. Very funny.

Anyway. Power pop. What's not to like. Rollicking. Der ner ner.

[coldforge]

Alright, our lurker friend is here. Apparently I have to hang out.

[ausdemfenster]

A break is being taken to describe coldforge's special jeans and to yell about the expensive beer that's being poured. His jeans have lame in them! Wish I could fine the accent key! I mean the sparkly thing!

[eula]

Dear Internet,

There are nachos. I'm sorry to derail the proceedings. Be back soon.

R-dash.

[coldforge]

You guys. Let's make a pact. If we're not married in 10 years, let's all get AR-15s, and shoot up a Bloomingdales.

[coldforge]

Anyway. I was only halfway through that song. But what's not to like? Verse chorus verse. Power chords. Solos. R says, 'What is this bullshit? Am I in 1993?' But she doesn't really understand music.

[coldforge]

Nice solo, dude! Sure, maybe you're not awesome at guitar! But you're exuberant! And today's 30-something indie rock generation needs that shit.

[mountmccabe]

No, actually that is much what Superchunk sounded like in 1993. They were awesome then and because they went away it is cool to hear them again and have them play shows and jump around.

[coldforge]

LCD Sound System is next, apparently doing a Gary Numan cover. I mean... Well, I remember last time they did a sort of 'dance punk' bullshit, right? But this is just pretty boring.

[coldforge]

Shit! I just remembered... What was that other bullshit dance punk New Wave group? Shiiiiit... What was it called. Oh FUCK I wish I remembered their name. Danse Macabre. That was the name of the album. YEAH! The Faint! This song is SO BORING that I'm pretty sure I'm gonna put on the Faint in about 12 seconds.

[coldforge]

YAEEEEAH BOY!

This is a killer intro. BEEFY chords. That's what it's all about. Beef. I amdigging this song. Let's doit again.

[coldforge]

Man, Mr. Youtube went to the trouble of putting all these lyrics down on this Faint song. They are REALLY bad. Another cardinal sin: using Cyrillic Д for Roman A. Come on. That's some Mickey Mouse shit. Still. Catchy. Can't argue with that. Brings me back.

[coldforge]

Control. Control. Control. Control. Control! Control. Cntrol. COntrol. COntrol. Control. COntrol! COntrol. Control control control control.

[coldforge]

Ok ,that was a fun diversion. Now: back to this extremely fucking boring song. Seriously, bluc. I remember LCD Soundsystem at least for being kind of vapid dance rock. Was I wrong? This is just... I dont know. Again. How many chords here? 2? Sounds like it. 2. So if you're gonna write a song with 2 chords, you've GOT to give it some pep. That's uncle coldforge's songwriting advice for today's generation of young songwriters. Chords or peps. That's a zero-sum game, right there.

[coldforge]

Good gracious.

[coldforge]

Tyler the Bastard? I've never heard of this guy. Tyler the Creator. Never heard of him. There's like... Nothing going on. There's no beat. What the fuck, bluc? Seriously, I'm sure that some song on this album had a fucking BEAT, man.

[coldforge]

UGGGGH I"M SO BORED. MY girlfriend is bored and drunk. She thought that blucas was a repulbclican. I hope you take that shit to heart. SERIOUSLY this song is so boring. Why would you pick this song for a mix? This is representative?

[Antero]

I was saying, it shoulda been French.

[coldforge]

Ok, I have two conclusions: You are collectively utterly devoid of taste, or blucas is fucking terrible at his job. Because this song is SO fucking boring that it can't be both. Am I missing the most searing, confessional lyrics ever penned here? Is pure, perfect art taking place under my nose? Am I the pharisee? Am I doomed to historical contempt? Is Tyler the creator our supremely shitty Christ, gone unrecognized?

Whoo! I hope not, because we're on to the next song!

[coldforge]

Ok, Deerhunter, we've discussed this before, I have no idea which one is the original band and which isn't, Deerhoof or Deerhunter. One of them played at Bard way back when I was an undergrad. I'm not sure which. And the other, presumably, stormed onto the indie scene in 2010, taking the world by storm, with their shocking new conception of acoustic guitars, looped, simplistic drum beats, far-off, dreamy vox, and misleadingly simple chord progressions. But which is which? We'll never know. Because the song is over now. A full 2:15 of startling, revolutionary indie-by-numbers.

[eula]

I am old enough to remember 1993. Coldforge was 9.

[coldforge]

Ok, I have heard you guys discuss 'Bloodbuzz Ohio', which means this is the standout single from this record. I can't blame Blucas. I have take as representative this depressingly repetitive, undercooked, unimaginitive, dreary indie rock recapitulation. The National. That's a big name. They are very popular, I think?