More Sadness

[peacocks]

go to those parties dude!

[Anne the Man]

Shit dude, that's rough. Join some kind of club or choir or something?

Also um that is kind of an unhealthy relationship if you haven't been seeing other people at all but you probably already know that

[Anne the Man]

I feel like I'm failing at everything at the moment. I may have to move out of my flat because everyone there has their fuckedupness in larger doses than I, and I can't take it very well atm. My best friend is probably going on antidepressants soon and I feel like I can't do anything for her, and miss her health/wit etc (yeah I know I've talked about this lots blah blah). I feel like I'm bad at both my jobs, what with lack of punctuality/showing up, and like I don't have time to do anything interesting/productive. I can barely stand up for fatigue today, and have been crying way too much the past while. The fact that I frequently get nausea after food and don't have much appetite doesn't help. I need some new music to help me out a bit, something pretty but good. I can't even blame all the crying on Alex leaving, though that doesn't help, because it started before he left. If I didn't have decent immediate family and this place I don't know what I'd do, and it makes me feel doubly lame how much I rely on a messageboard (no offence). Next week work is moving to a windowless building.

I know this is just a bad patch, that it'll always get better, that I should give myself a break because I just ended a 6-month relationship* etc, I just need hugs and junk at the moment. Too much crying, I'm like a fucking faucet these days. Lame lame lame I am lame and too fucking public with my misery. Sorry guys.

*There's attendant guilt there that I didn't care about him enough etc, though that can't be helped.

[C of heartbreak]

Aw Anne, *hugs n junk*

I've found that it's generally worse if you don't cry when you are sad, because that means you're getting used to it. So don't worry about being a faucet.

[clare]

Hugs from here too. You're a good sort.

and CoH hit it on the head about the crying. Good to get it out.

[jebreject]

Please don't do junk

[peacocks]

huuuugs! You're not alone lady, the members of this pathetic board you

[Bernard]

huuuugs! You're not alone lady, the members of this pathetic board you

yep! don't forget, Anne, you are The Man. 

[hannah]

Last saw my dad alive a year ago today. Had no idea it would be the last time, of course.

[Anne the Man]

Belated thank you to everyone for hugs, and I pass them on to Hannah. Hey, lady.

[jebreject]

Last saw my dad alive a year ago today. Had no idea it would be the last time, of course.

I wish there were something I could say. I'm so sorry, Hannah. Hugs to you.

[clare]

:-( more hugs from here. That's a hard thing. I love how you share memories of him though. I reckon it's important.

[peacocks]

:-( more hugs from here. That's a hard thing. I love how you share memories of him though. I reckon it's important.

Yes, many hugs to you hannah, I can't imagine what that must feel like.

[kyle]

Been thinking about my dad a lot in the last few weeks. Today the lady and I were watching Glee (I know. I know.) and in the episode one of the character's father has a heart attack and ends up in the hospital. Really just sort of rushed all the emotion I've been working with over the last few weeks. Really vivid memories of going to see my dad when he was in the hospital back in 2003 for minor kidney failure. Left soon after and cried out into my bed.

Finally feeling a bit better after a few hours of sitting in my room. It's just so frustrating that it's so hard to say "I miss him" and instead feel more honest saying "I miss what it could have been."

I'm not good at being open about this stuff and showing weakness, and so I don't think the lady really knew what to do.

Thanks for allowing me a space to go "Blah"

[Anne the Man]

But of course. Not much I can say, but . That's rough. Hope you can open up about it more to ladyfriend, it'll get easier.

[Chet]

So, I realised about ten different people have stopped being my friend for one reason or other in the past year. Originally I was being all defiant about like; well, fuck them if they're gonna drop me so easily, who needs 'em, right? And I guess that's genuinely the case with a couple of them. But now I'm thinking I probably was an insufferable dick. It's a shame because one or two of them I really cared about.

Now I just feel like a dick, and like incredibly alone.

[Nick Ink]

Give them a call?

[Chet]

I've tried with the ones I really care for.

[peacocks]

  I'm sorry Chet :hug:

[Chet]

So, I realised about ten different people have stopped being my friend for one reason or other in the past year. Originally I was being all defiant about like; well, fuck them if they're gonna drop me so easily, who needs 'em, right? And I guess that's genuinely the case with a couple of them. But now I'm thinking I probably was an insufferable dick. It's a shame because one or two of them I really cared about.

Now I just feel like a dick, and like incredibly alone.

so one of these people is a girl i cared a lot about, who i also lived with last year.
i'm sure most of you know about some of the stuff i went through last year/early this year. well, she was with me through it all, i probably owe my life to her in some small but not insignificant way.
anyway, this time i saw her was june, at the end of the school year when everyone went back home. she came to my room to say goodbye. she gave me a hug with the promise to meet up in september.

she has ignored me the whole time we have both been back in town. i sent her a few texts and a couple of emails. i sort of understand why she would want to keep some distance because all that stuff must have been incredibly tough on her. i even said that to her and asked her to just let me know if this was a temporary thing or if she didn't want to see me again at all. she didn't even reply to that.

i also had feelings for her - which she knew about - and she has a boyfriend now, so maybe that is part of it. still, i just don't understand how someone who cared, or at least claimed to, can be so utterly cruel. i don't for a second think i deserve that kind of treatment.

[peacocks]

It is really hard to watch a friend go through what you did. I know it's hard for you too, but give her some time.

[Em]

Agree with peacocks, but also, move on emotionally as best you can. I've been where you were and the number of once-very-close friends I've permanently lost on account of it is ... well, it makes me embarrassed when I think about it. It absolutely drains people, and even though it's not your fault and you don't "deserve" it, some of them never come back around. I just thank my lucky stars for the ones who did.

[coldforge]

Chet, as painful as it is, it's not really helpful to think of your friend's behavior as 'treatment'—much as it pains you, she's not doing it TO you. She's acting as a result of her own feelings in a way that she hopes will be best for her. The effects ripple through you, as do all effects, but you're not the target of the action. That might not make it hurt much less—the pain of losing a close friend to anything is pretty fundamental—but in the long run you'll do yourself a lot of good if you can avoid thinking of yourself as victim of something she's really doing to and for herself.

[Anne the Man]

Worrrrd to that.

[alex]

My grandmother died last night. It is without a doubt for the best that she didn't have to suffer much longer than she already did, but it's still pretty goddamn sad.