More Sadness

[RavingLunatic]

My grandparents go to Florida for one month every year. This year, soon after they got down there, my grandpa started having really bad diarrhea. After a few days it got so bad and he had so much abdomen pain that he went to the hospital. They found out that he had a blood infection and was in fact septic. They immediately put him on antibiotics. After a couple days, they had cleared the infection from his bloodstream, which was a great relief.

However, he was still having severe abdomen pain. They examined him and decided his gallbladder was causing it and would have to be removed. Before the surgery the surgeon insisted on doing some kind of blood marker scan, and it's a good thing because he had two serious blood clots in his lungs. The doctors said they would have killed him if they hadn't found them, and they immediately put him on blood thinners and delayed the surgery indefinitely.

He was still nauseated, unable to eat, in severe pain, and had to be drugged up pretty good. Two days ago he started having bad kidney problems, severe diarrhea again, and also became extremely bloated. Doctors weren't sure why. Then yesterday morning they announced they'd found the problem: he has an intestinal infection. They're hard to treat, but they at least knew what to do and were hopeful he'd turn the corner soon.

My mom, who flew down to Florida earlier this week, just called us. They're performing emergency surgery and have to remove part of his colon because the infection has gotten so bad. This is really serious. I'm afraid it's going to fucking kill him. My brothers and I are all really close to our grandparent, and this is completely unexpected. I'm scared as hell.

[alex]

That sounds scary - and the fact that they're far away and you can't even be there with them when it's all happening doesn't make it any easier, I am sure. I hope he'll have a speedy recovery and that you'll be able to be with your grandparents soon. Best wishes, Ryan.

[jebreject]

This stuff is really hard, and there's nothing I can say that will make it any easier, unfortunately. Just know that my thoughts are with you and your family, Ryan.

[edison]

Yeah, nothing more to add, I'm afraid, but seconding the good wishes and hoping he'll be okay.

[Bernard]

With stuff like this, one thing we can be grateful for is that our loved one is receiving what sounds like great medical care, and has family to worry about and care for them. Hang in there, dude, hoping for the best for your grandfather.

[auto-da-fey]

my thoughts are with you and yours too, Ryan. hope things go well.

[peacocks]

Aw that sounds absolutely terrible. I hope he is relieved of this pain soon.
 

[RavingLunatic]

Thanks, everyone. He made it through the surgery, which was an immense relief. When my mom called, my heart was beating so fast, and I was afraid to even hear her. They had to take his entire colon out as it was about to burst, spread the infection everywhere, and kill him. The loss of a colon sucks, but the only thing that matters right now is that he's alive. The surgeon said when he began the operation he didn't think he was going to make it.

He's not out of the woods yet, but he's stable and the hope is that the antibiotics can kill this thing. It's gonna be a long-ass recovery if he can pull through, but for now everyone's relieved.

[hannah]

It's been a shitty week.

Can't stop picturing my dad's dead body in the hospital.

I wish I'd gotten to Hoboken three hours before I did. Or that I hadn't thought he was going to get better and returned to Chicago in the first place.

[nonotyet]

 

I had similar thought processes and things when my mom died, even though I was there. It's fucking really hard. I can't say anything else but  .

[elpollodiablo]

I used to punish myself with images of my mother being cremated. The residual guilt does eventually dissipate somewhat... I won't go into it, but I was also where I felt I shouldn't have been when she died, and never got to say goodbye, not really. Some things are just terrible, and only get better, marginally better, with time.

[ellaguru]

 

[Nick Ink]

I'm sorry, Hannah. I still have that kind of thing about my dad, nearly 4 years on, I'm afraid to say. This very morning, actually, I just got onto this horrible train of thought about bones and skulls and stuff, fuck knows why.

I suppose it doesn't ever really stop, but I made a deal with myself that whenever I get those kinds of thoughts, I try really hard to remember something cool he did with me that I haven't remembered for a while. Then the shitty thing becomes a nice thing. This morning, I was thinking about how he used to drive me all over the place to snooker competitions when I was about 17 and really keen. He always remembered the detail of the game, what shots I'd played, so much more clearly than I did afterwards.

[davy]

He always remembered the detail of the game, what shots I'd played, so much more clearly than I did afterwards.

Give it up for Dads. 

[hannah]

 

I know why I am having these thoughts now: I'm coming off of a month of great excitement, with many a life-changing moment, and am a little depressed as a result; on top of that, I'm under some stress related to my academics. It's easy, then, to dwell on the morbid. But what makes it most painful is how much I want to share with him—my wedding, the readings I'm doing on Kurt Schwitters and Raoul Hausmann, the papers I'm working on which I know he'd be interested in—and how these images remind me that I won't ever be able to. Moreover, given that we were semi-estranged the last couple years of his life, whatever fantasy I have about being able to share these things with him probably would never have come to pass, anyway. So I'm mourning him, and I'm mourning our relationship, and I'm mourning the father he never, in fact, was...

Somewhat serendipitously, two of his high school friends emailed my brother yesterday because they'd been hoping to see him at their fiftieth reunion and only just learned of his death. They shared stories about him I'd never heard before. My favorite:

At our fiftieth reunion last Saturday we had a tour of the school. As we passed the English classrooms I remember an incident from our senior year. Our teacher was valiantly pushing us through Paradise Lost until he got disgusted with our lack of familiarity with the references to Greek mythology. He shifted gears and made us read Edith Hamilton's book. One day we were discussing some of the particularly amusing myths, and we started laughing.  Your father stood up, stormed to the classroom door, shouted "you're making fun of my religion," and left.

Oh, and also:

He and I met up after our freshman year in college, and he told me he that he was not going to be a physics major, as planned. I asked him why he had changed his mind, and he told me that it was because of something really influential that he had read.  When I pressed him for more detail on what it was he read, he replied "my Freshman Physics final."

[coldforge]

At our fiftieth reunion last Saturday we had a tour of the school. As we passed the English classrooms I remember an incident from our senior year. Our teacher was valiantly pushing us through Paradise Lost until he got disgusted with our lack of familiarity with the references to Greek mythology. He shifted gears and made us read Edith Hamilton's book. One day we were discussing some of the particularly amusing myths, and we started laughing.  Your father stood up, stormed to the classroom door, shouted "you're making fun of my religion," and left.

This is really fantastic.

[YojimboMonkey]

That's a great story

[nonotyet]

Every time I talk to my sister, especially since lately I have been yelling at her to give me the fucking list of people she wants at her fucking baby shower already, I think about how badly I want my mom to be at the shower, to know that she has a granddaughter coming, and that my sister (and to a lesser extent me) turned out just fine.

So I know what you mean about things you know you can't share.

[peacocks]

Just got home from the memorial service for my friend Danny who killed himself a few weeks ago. He was only 28. We weren't very close but I've known him for a while and he was a member of the Buddhist community I belong to. Everyone is really upset and confused. It was hard to get through the open mic part, but new people kept coming up and saying really encouraging or funny things.

He was a recovering heroin addict and alcoholic but for the past 3 years that I've known him he went from living in a homeless shelter to a house with a mutual friend. He got a job at 711, a car, a great girlfriend, and started going to college to work with people who are hearing impaired. No one really gets why this happened. When he died I hadn't seen him in about a month. I don't know what was going on with him but people who had talked to him recently said he was struggling. I still don't understand. My other friend who was really depressed a couple months ago is doing a lot better now. He started seeing a therapist and is moving to California in a few weeks. I am SO happy for him but I still worry- even more now because of this. It is such a private and personal hell, you can never know. Danny worked so hard for everything he had. People kept saying "his life led him to where he needed to go", but why?

[hannah]

Alone in Russia.

Just watched this week's Breaking Bad. Not really a spoiler: scenes of Hank's rehabilitation had me gulping back tears, as my dad was more or less in the same boat this time last year, after his spinal surgery.

But of course he was in a hospital, not in a luxurious home, and it was there that he contracted the bacteria that killed him.

Fuck.

[G.C.R]

Hannah, I'm sorry. It's scary how popular culture can blindside you like that, with things that cut too close. Do you have people you can talk to over there? I mean, talking on here is good, but hugs are good too (hastily corrected my typo of "Hugs are goose too", but maybe I should have left it.  )

[Chet]

I'm feeling especially lonely of late. Had a dream about someone I was doing a good job of forgetting about, and most of my days are spent alone. Doesn't help that one of my closest pals is moving away, and these sleepless nights don't do me any good either.

[peacocks]

is there anyone you can call or talk to, or anyone you know who lives near by- even an acquaintance? Sorry you're lonely. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

[milesofsparks]

, Chet.

[Little Sixes Little Nines]

oh man chet, i hear you. as of today, when my ladyfriend left for auckland, i have absolutely no friends left in wellington, except my flatmates who mostly keep to themselves, and the odd university acquaintance whom i'd never talk to elsewhere.

the rest of this year is gonna be fun, all eating instant noodles and reading about parties on facebook. ugh