Vis-a-vis my progeny (new baby thread)

[elpollodiablo]

D and I have been talking recently about how we know very little about babies or childcare, and how, seeing that Marin will be here in a little less than a month, we should probably do something about that. I've been reading a lot about diaper changing, techniques for sleep, feeding, and swaddling. Some of it seems pretty horrifying! I wish someone had been around to see my face when I was looking at an article on bathing and read something about washing around the umbilical cord. Cripes!

Anyway I think the standard get-along baby stuff will be fine, but I'm worried about things that we just don't know. Stuff like, never give a baby honey. What if I'd never seen that episode of Six Feet Under and I just started feeding her honey like here you go little baby have some potentially fatal honey mmmhmmmmm sooooo goooood, etc. There's probably a million things like that and we do not know about em.

[YojimboMonkey]

hug them, keep them clean, read to them alot, try not to let them choke on anything

[dieblucasdie]

I like the fact that, because I don't ever read the baby thread, I didn't even realize that your wife is pregnant until like a week ago.  Congratulations!  

Parenting does definitely seem like the sort of thing where preparation will only take you so far. Take some comfort in knowing how many absolutely terrible parents manage not to kill their kids every day.  Like, the honey thing--1) it's actually unlikely that that would be harmful, and 2) even if it were, I'm sure you guys are going to be attentive enough that you'd seek medical attention in plenty of time.

[kadiekatRN]

I don't know if this will be comforting or anxiety provoking, but here goes: I am a pediatric nurse.  People trust me every day with their kids with seizures, brain cancer, and all sorts of ailments.  Sure, I change a diaper like no one's business, know the basic guidelines for safe sleep, and can do some basic developmental screenings.  However, when I took Miles home I still was terrified--I even got a couple extra hospital days b/c of the c-section.  Granted, I take care of sick kids, and mine, thankfully, is pretty healthy.  There was a definite learning curve with feeding him (breastfeeding is a hard skill to practice), developing a routine, despite my keen diaper skills I have been sprayed with all sorts of waster, and at first I was like, "what do I do with him?"

You can know everything possible theoretically and it's all well and good, but it is mostly on-the-job training.  I think that part of why infants take so long to develop is to give their parents a chance to settle into their role, too.  You will be visiting the pediatrician often, and they'll give you important info on a need-to-know basis. Some of the info will be drastically different from what your parents did with you--sleep alone in an empty crib on your back?  I know I slept on my belly with blankets and bumpers and here I am fine and alive 31 years later. Obviously follow the recs, but know that if you have common sense, she should be fine.

People will tell you all the things that worked for them, but really the most important thing is that you observe basic safety rules while you find out what works for the three of you.  Even things you plan will not go how you expected.  For example, we planned to have Miles sleep in the pack'n'play in our room.  That never happened.  F went back to work (gets up at 4am) when Miles was 1 week old, and I was still sleeping on the couch b/c it hurt too much to get in and out of bed.  So we never had him in the room early on and we developed our routine around having him in his crib in his room.  And now he has such good nighttime skills (sleeping 3-4 hour stretches, going right back to sleep after eating) I'm not about to mess with it.

BTW, I saw your stroller when I was out at the baby store and it is very swanky indeed.

[mixed cats]

I've seen a lot of honey bottles that say DO NOT FEED TO INFANTS somewhere on the label. Everything is terrifying but people have successfully raised kids without books. The books can help! But they also make things seem way scarier, so don't let them psych you out.

(I'm already like, OH GOD THERE WILL BE SO MUCH POOP WHAT HAVE WE DONE)

[elpollodiablo]

Thanks everyone! And Katie especially. I guess in these last few weeks I'm really starting to get all OH GOD THE POOP etc.

[mixed cats]

We had the first ultrasound today, and the second the tech turned the screen toward us, I was all, oh dag this shit just got real

[clare]

Yeah!!!

And yes, there is a lot of poo, but especially if you breastfeed, it's very easy to get into the "oh, there's my milk that the baby ate a while ago" mindset about it.

[hannah]

Guys, I spent two days in a car with my four-year-old nephew, driving him from Chicago to New York, and I just put my cousin's three-year-old twins to bed in my old bedroom (they happen to also be visiting New York this vacation and are staying the night at my mom's apartment while their parents cavort)

and although I have had to wipe some butts and answer "are we there yet?" countless times and read the same book out loud over and over — not very pleasant things to do, mind you —

let me tell you, kids are the best

It'll be so awesome, Miles!

[mixed cats]

Yes! Definitely counteract the fears by thinking about all the great books you'll read to her, and places you can take her, and how excited you'll be to watch her learn things.. and on and on.

[elpollodiablo]

BABIES

everyone is having them!

[hannah]

i want one gimme

[jebreject]

Thanks everyone! And Katie especially. I guess in these last few weeks I'm really starting to get all OH GOD THE POOP etc.

Isn't there some Louis CK bit about wiping shit out of a vagina

[elpollodiablo]

I wouldn't know! Standup makes my penis soft

[Bernard]

babies pretty much rule

I wouldn't know! Standup makes my penis soft

ironically

[kadiekatRN]

Today was my first day back at work.  It was also the second time in 12 weeks that F has had our boy by himself for more than an hour or two.  We both had rough days.  I am also regretting not banking more milk.  I honestly had no idea how much he drank until now!  I have a feeling that he's going to need formula supplementation for a bit (I went through half my stash today!).  I'm going to start taking Fenugreek again, I guess.

[mixed cats]

Aww, I hope it gets better soon for all of you!

[coldforge]

hey you guys, i'm totally pregs`~!

[coldforge]

nah

[clare]

Rats, I got all excited for a moment there, 'forge. Total sucker for babies.

[coldforge]

im barren

[Bernard]

coldforge, your beautiful womb just hasn't found the right seed yet

[Bernard]

it is so beautiful, it reminds me of CAPITALISM

[mixed cats]

I can't feel the baby move, but I know when it hates what I am doing. Is that weird? It's like, "Why are you sitting in this chair hunched over? Quit hunching. SIT UP STRAIGHT."

[Bernard]

How do you know? I don't find it weird, but then I'd convinced myself the baby liked hearing me read when I had an earless zygote, so I am operating more from sentiment than logic. Your baby has good taste in parental posture.