The quotable LPTJ

[RoyBiggins]

Actually, you guys might not know, but "My Pony The Asshole" was a working title for the second Jeff Buckley album.

I put that in quotes, so it'd look like we're actually in the quotable thread again on this page.

[elpollodiablo]

So this guy's drinking at a bar on the 18th floor of a downtown hotel. Nerdy guy walks in, sits down beside him, and orders six tequila sours, pounds them down. The first guy is watching the nerdy one drink steadily for about an hour. Eventually the nerdy guy points to the nearby open window, says, "I'll bet you fifty bucks I can jump out that window and not get hurt." First guy says, "Buddy, you're drunk. No one can jump out that window and walk away from it." Nerdy guy goes, "You think so? Go have a look out there." First guy glances out the window. Straight drop to the pavement, no net, no scaffold, nothing. Turns to the nerdy guy, says, "Buddy, if you're going to kill yourself, leave your money on the table." Nerdy guy leaves fifty dollars on the table, gets a running start and jumps out the window. The first guy and the barman watch him float down to the street and land lightly on the pavement. Five minuets later, the nerdy guy is back at the bar, drinking again. First guy asks the nerdy guy how in the hell. Nerdy guy says, "Just catch an updraft man, it's easy. Just have to know when to jump." He offers the first guy a chance to win his money back. "Same deal," says the nerdy guy. "I jump. If I land alright, we double up. Sound good?" First guy says, what the hell, why not. Nerdy guy gets another running start, jumps again. This time he hangs in midair for a few moments, his hairs blowing back. "UPDRAFT!" he screams, and proceeds to glide gracefully downward. Five minutes later, he's back in the bar. First guy finishes his drink, sidles up to the window, says, "Lemme try that." He leaps out, and ten seconds later there's an audible crunch. Barman looks at the nerdy guy, says, "Superman, you're a fucking asshole when you're drinking."

[gibber]

huh?

[das kranke Tier]

If he makes even that difficult for you, then pee in his butt and DTMFA.

[SPACERACE]

Oh, Holy God!  Calvin and Hobbes Rarities!  I feel like an indie kid in a Jeff Mangum store!

[andronicus]

i get where reese boi is coming from but reese the more you say 'fuck' the more people are going to decide not to listen to you and  just write you off as tempermental.  calm it down captain.

I know who you are.

And what you did last summer.

and you are, but what am I.

[girl]

its...ah..how do you say that hot internet thing, hoott13, whatever, its that it's a hot 13.

[das kranke Tier]

  Serious monkey time.

[heather marie]

At the bar last night, I was hanging out outside, chatting with a cute girl.  Eventually, it led to a certain someone leaning in close to me, staring into my eyes, and breathily telling me, "Give me some sugar."

Unfortunately, that certain someone was the crazy homeless man who interrupted me and the girl's conversation.

Greg wins at EVERYTHING.

[Bernard]

Andrew puts in a spirited defense of Scotland:

they gave us the jesus and mary chain, teenage fanclub, and creation records! golf and calvinism were a long time ago!

[RoyBiggins]

Re: the new Joanna Newsom record:

How do you pronounce this album title? Is it like 'whys' or is 'Ys' to 'Yes' what 'Yr' is to 'Your'?

It's pronounced "ees" apprently. I believe that's Elvish for "I am not afraid of you and I will beat your ass."

[Anne the Man]

Don't worry about it. Not a big deal.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQXiew-DQH4

Have a video.

I only just got round to watching that. It's great

[Bernard]

Whenever I blow dry my hair I think of that guy.

[swilkes]

i hear grilled zucchini is off the chain, but i've never experienced it first-hand.

I don't know why, but this made me giggle.

[Greg Nog]

Lookin' good, Deer In The Headlights.

[jebreject]

You know, jordanmichael, you have a point.

[milly balgeary]

Heathermarie re: Beyonce looking angry and hungry at the 2006 VMAs

Cause homegirl is like, "Jay-z! Give me the McD's, yo!"

[das kranke Tier]

Runnin' through cities to save some titties!

 

[silentsigh89]

I loved it. They're replaying it, I'm watching it again. It's just good in that human way that makes a person approve. Plus, i want to marry Collette. She's got moxy. GIR-L. WHY DON'T YOU LAY DOWN AND TAKE THEM CLOTHES OFF, GIR-L. ON THAT BED, IN THEM SHEETS, WITHOUT THEM CLOSES, YOU RESEMBLE LITTLE BO PEE-P.

I feel like this was a new level of creepiness for LPTJ.


and it made my night.

[El_Josharino]

Reasons I love me some Devil Chicken:

Dear Greg and alex,
Stop with this wink-wink nudge-nudge half-conversation shit or I will drag my convalescent ass up to Brooklyn to knock your damn heads together.
Love,
M

Too late, fool. You get that whack ass little apple key and nothing more.

[alistarr*]

i am assuming that the nog made this himself (with a little help), and am submitting it as the third best graphic ever to appear on LPTJ.

[lastbubble]

probably don't have the requisite post total to add to this thread, but fuckit my eyes are still watering after reading elpollo's post:

there is a girl i have been madly in love with for three or four years here, at my house, 2000 miles from her home, having come just to see me

and she's sleeping on my couch.


not sure how i feel about that, but neutral is probably wrong.

Whoa. That's quite a situation.

yikes

umm... Hit that shit?

SMELL HER HAIR

[jebreject]

A great thread idea would be you running away and then taking photos of your travels along the Mississippi. However, knowing you, you'd probably take a bike ride around the block and use the opportunity to take pictures of your camwhore friends and drop names. Thanks for nothing Heathcote.

[Sing The Children Over]

there is a girl i have been madly in love with for three or four years here, at my house, 2000 miles from her home, having come just to see me

and she's sleeping on my couch.


not sure how i feel about that, but neutral is probably wrong.

Whoa. That's quite a situation.

yikes

umm... Hit that shit?

SMELL HER HAIR

Sorry, but I laughed so hard it's worth quoting again.

[girl]

just today at work my supervisor was like "man, I don't think John Lennon would have been cool with his songs being played at starbucks" and I was like, "dawg, the beatles are the starbucks of rock and roll"