The quotable LPTJ

[jebreject]

comedy! man, you're crazy. i don't like porn, i don't like hookers. i didn't get no hooker for 8 bucks and change when i was in thailand so the chances are small. i wasn't even tempted. my birthday present is ongoing. it's called empathy.

[das kranke Tier]

...as lptj grows it is forced to experience the general douchery of the public.

[Andrew_TSKS]

Re: the new Joanna Newsom record:

How do you pronounce this album title? Is it like 'whys' or is 'Ys' to 'Yes' what 'Yr' is to 'Your'?

It's pronounced "ees" apprently. I believe that's Elvish for "I am not afraid of you and I will beat your ass."

fuck, i missed a discussion of a new joanna newsom record?!? could someone point me to the original thread where this was discussed?

[hannah]

Andrew: http://lastplanetojakarta.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=6568&start=0

I mean, I think.

[Andrew_TSKS]

oh golly, it was 7 pages long? color me stoked! thanks hannah!

[Sing The Children Over]

When Waffle talks about thuggin' he ain't fooling.

hey guys, I found 3 hula-hoops of varying diameters outside my comarade's skateboard retail location. I used to think that hula-hoops were for cock-mongers. However, once I attempted to 'hula' as the kids say, I realized that hula-hoops is a thinking man's sport with many subleties and facets. Gyrating one's hips to the rythm of a colorful plastic ring filled with what one could assume was rice and/or some sort of synthetic legume to add a delightful swoosh sound at certain points of the rotational cycle. And most importantly, it harks me back to times when I'm big dick fucking some bitches

[C of heartbreak]

Well, in real life (which for the sake of argument includes internet message boards)

[SPACERACE]

Silky Johnson

[das kranke Tier]

I once punched a man in the cock so hard he died.

[andronicus]

ow ow!

Under-used inter-jection.  Plus rilly cute.

[das kranke Tier]

No matter how many times it kicks you in the balls and takes your cheddar you keep coming back for more.

[Maaik]

I'd like an Incapacitate function.

Heartily seconded, my man.

[the eyepatch guy]

I was sipping some whisky and plucking my banjo, which led me to playing along with "Whisky Johnny." But now I think I've changed the chords to ones that I like better. But to hell with it, it's "traditional", I can fuck this song's chords as hard as I want.

That made me feel a little funny. Down there.

[jebreject]

It was probably some dude in a cape pressing records in his parents' basement or something

[nonotyet]

i have a boner, but only because i just woke up.

good luck w/ yr school thing

[jebreject]

I just LOL'd like I've never LOL'd before.

Surely she's hotter than pedantry.

Are you new here?

[heather marie]

So... uh... there's totally this girl I like, and I think she's into me, but I'm kinda wondering how I go from... y'know... constantly talking at parties and stuff to like.... hittin' that. Cuz I'm into her and I think she's into me and I just don't know how to move from that one point to the next. Advice?

invite her over. prior to her coming over, set up some nice candles. put on your best outfit. cook for her. then tell her you love her. tell her you absolutely can't live without her. then, in a voice, a little different from your natural voice, maybe two shades deeper, a shade more gutteral, talk in third person about yourself, and about reincarnation and how you knew her in another life.

PIHB!!!!1111111111

[Heathcote]

PIHB?

[The_Tourist]

PIHB?

not until you're older

[alistarr*]

i think google is your friend here, heathcote

[RavingLunatic]

See, Bush's plan totally worked.  We invaded Iraq, and now Bin Laden is dead.

Wouldn't it be fucking priceless if it was some GOP policy (or combination of policies) that polluted the water that killed ol' Binny?

I laughed and laughed and laughed

[diesel_powered]

oh and OT ANNOYING! someone leaves a note on my car that there should be enough room for two cars in the space where i parked so next time could i pull down more so two cars can fit there.  BUT, what they fail to recognize is the RED painted on the curb for fire safety which I was trying to abide by, so FINE YOU ASSHOLE, I'll BLOCK THE RED so then when there is a fire in your fucking house and the truck can't fit where needs to go, you'll just burn alive in there, and will i feel bad? probably but that's besides my MADNESS right now, you'll suffer a painful death but OH you got to park out front though! when you are charbroiled and dead you won't be able to drive anymore anyways! asshole! look at the curb before you go leaving stupid fucking notes. ALSO, there WAS STILL ENOUGH ROOM FOR TWO CARS! unless one was a BIG FUCKING TRUCK that you don't need to drive in the city ANYWAYS, do you have a SECRET UNDERGROUND FUCKING FARM back there I don't know about? no? oh then you don't need a giant fucking truck then do you? FUCKER!  and you could at least leave your name you pussy so i can find you and tell you where to go because you know what? HELL IS NOT FULL YET!

WHy are people such assholes? they HAVE To say something right? just have to feel good they left thier little anonymous note! oh i can sleep now because i left a note about the car being two inches further from where I THOUGHT it should be. WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU LADY?

Mary seems all nice, but cross her and she'll FUCK YOUR SHIT RIGHT UP.

[Anne the Man]

Re: Bin Laden being dead:

Now there won't be any more terrorism! Yay!

[jebreject]

you know, just before i opened this, i was thinking, wouldn't it be awesome if someone recognized me for the comedic genius that i am and put me in the quotable thread?

[jebreject]

Major LuLz, but also QFT:

executive assistant to 2 different marketing gurus

Alex I can think of two simple things you can do to effect positive and noticeable change in the world.