The quotable LPTJ

[alistarr*]

FK is clearly losing it. many a thread has gone five pages with far less meat on its bones.

[jebreject]

when i was getting gas, i looked over and caught the eye of a girl and she came over and stretched out her hand and while i was filling, we clasped each other around the waist and begin ballroom dancing. then we talked about how great my hat was; she offered to pay for my gas; i told her i appreciated that, took her by the hips and plumped her on the hood of my car where she swiveled and then i took the gasoline pump out of my car and stuck it in her mouth. that was a terrible mistake!

[nonotyet]

Curriculum Vitae.

In American English usage, a CV is a longer document than a résumé, and will include a comprehensive listing of professional history including every term of employment, academic credential, publication, contribution or significant achievement. In certain professions, it may even include samples of the person's work and may run to many pages. In contrast, a résumé is a summary typically limited to one or two pages highlighting only those experiences and credentials that the author considers most relevant to the desired position. CVs are the preferred recruiting tool for academic and medical professions while résumés are generally preferred for business employment.

It may be a cheap laugh, but every time someone uses the The More You Know graphic I giggle for like five minutes for serious true.

[travelerjohn]

I believe the correct answer is "Stop asking me about my man-hole."

officially the funniest thing I've seen today.

[theartlessmonster]

damn! you beat me to that! i was going to put that up here too!

[alistarr*]

You've got it backwards; on the internet, the nerds bully YOU

[Maaik]

when i was getting gas, i looked over and caught the eye of a girl and she came over and stretched out her hand and while i was filling, we clasped each other around the waist and begin ballroom dancing. then we talked about how great my hat was; she offered to pay for my gas; i told her i appreciated that, took her by the hips and plumped her on the hood of my car where she swiveled and then i took the gasoline pump out of my car and stuck it in her mouth. that was a terrible mistake!

Man, did I not see that ending coming.  I just got my lollercise for today.  Thanks Mill Bag!

[gibber]

ho man, that got me too. thanks, quotable thread!

[alistarr*]

further proof, if any were needed, that the exclamation mark has its uses.

[das kranke Tier]

A guy I took a philosophy seminar with once titled his paper on Heidegger's Being & Time "Stop: It's Hammer Time."

I think the fact that this just had me laughing for a good 10 minutes makes me a complete nerd...

[heather]

Is this going to turn into a bidding war?  I need some warning to liquidate my assets.

[I'd like to place a bid on the bag of dicks, please.

I'm not getting rid of everything.

[nonotyet]

THIS JUST IN:

PRES. BUSH EXHIBITS INTERNET ACUMEN OF A SIXTY YEAR OLD MAN

SMARMY LEFTISTS: "LOL"

[diesel_powered]

*l;ooks at dong*

*looks at hand*

[mountmccabe]

That seems a touch primitive. Back in SA we used ultravoilet ink to stop people from voting mutliple times.

Sidenote: because I figure those that read whitetext might be the ones that care about these things: was it bad form to've changed Lalitree's html to tags?  I'm not entirely sure why I did.  Am I being neurotic?  In what way?  In 250 words or less please discuss.

[Good Intentions]

If anything it was good form, making as much as possible on the board a single standard. It isn't necessary, though, because very few users would have HTML disabled and of those approximately none would not recognise why the image fails to show. I hope you feel better, you neurotic pedant, you.

[elpollodiablo]

Man fuck you folder I'd managed to forget about that shit and now I'm gonna have night terrors all over again.

*Puts flashlight up to face*

And they say... that the stillborn child... looked just... like...

THIS!!!

First time I've laughed out loud at this forum in I don't know how long.

[RavingLunatic]

I'd like to thank all the sex offenders out there

[hannah]

I am turgid with joy. If everything keeps on going this way, the next major development should be Bush and Cheney simultaneously suffering from rectal prolapses on national TV.

[Good Intentions]

She also wove in a word that is naughty by network standards: when discussing the Virginia Senate race, she cited the Democratic challenger Jim Webb’s infamous description of the United States Naval Academy as “a horny woman’s dream.”

You know what that means.  Don't wake up, horny women.  National security is at stake.

[RavingLunatic]

man - i set off a maelstrom of male stroms. whatever that means...

Made me laugh.

[silentsigh89]

In the following photo, not only am I shirtless, but I'm also soaking wet.  AND I'm chasing birds.

I actually like chasing birds more than I probably should admit.

Chasing sandpipers is, in my humble opinion, the only thing worth doing at the beach.  I am a big bird person, and sandpipers have been clawing their way up the ranks to becoming my favorite bird, even beating a lot of corvids, which if you know me, is no mean feat!

this made me want to give everyone high fives.

[nonotyet]

I discovered Nick Drake through the Volkswagen commercial. I'm a straight up OG.

[das kranke Tier]

Bringing a boy a sandwich is another way of saying "hit my shit."

[hannah]

it's hard to tell from the image, but that there is a 24oz. Red Stripe (what i have just now christened a "double-dozener...mahn"). it has the shape and heft of a Coleman propane tank (the R.S. has less inebriatory potential, but vastly superior taste, in my book).

here's a picture of me standing next to it, for perspective:

[RoyBiggins]

since the PS3 alternative is not specifically a lifetime of tacos, but rather TB$12,500 (an eightieth of a million Taco Bell dollars!), i choose the money.

with that money i would visit that strange wonderful land where the KFC and Taco Bell abut, bribe a taco jerk and make a border crossing over into KFCistan with my bundle. there i would purchase the mother of all gravy bowls for bathing/consuming and spend my days in secret spicy splendor.

I think it was "KFCistan" that won me over.