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655889 Posts in 9232 Topics by 3396 Members Latest Member: - vlozan86 Most online today: 19 - most online ever: 494 (Jul 01, 2007, 02:59:53 PM)
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Author Topic: Favorite jokes  (Read 6947 times)
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fishjim
Registered user

Posts: 1982
« Reply #75 on: Sep 23, 2011, 11:47:21 PM »
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: None. The lightbulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
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Just wandering the countryside clearing caves.
Good Intentions
Registered user

Posts: 13882
« Reply #76 on: Sep 24, 2011, 02:10:35 AM »
A classic!

In the same vein:
Why do anarchists only drink herbal tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
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fishjim
Registered user

Posts: 1982
« Reply #77 on: Sep 24, 2011, 03:27:46 AM »
Ha!

Yeah, I got the Marxist one off the 'fortune' program on some Unix terminal years ago. It's gotta be way old.
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Just wandering the countryside clearing caves.
reebty
Registered user

Posts: 1199
« Reply #78 on: Sep 24, 2011, 06:05:55 AM »
Q: How did the hipster burn his mouth?

A: He ate pizza before it was cool.


"Wanna hear a joke about potassium?"

"K"

"Wanna hear a joke about sodium?"

"Na"
« Last Edit: Sep 24, 2011, 06:08:01 AM by reebty » Logged
Good Intentions
Registered user

Posts: 13882
« Reply #79 on: Sep 24, 2011, 06:32:18 AM »
Did you hear the one about the hipster?
No, you wouldn't have, it's quite obscure.
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reebty
Registered user

Posts: 1199
« Reply #80 on: Sep 24, 2011, 06:41:19 AM »
Q: How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb?

A: None. Candlelight has a warmth you just can't get from artificial light.
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RavingLunatic
Registered user

Posts: 6408
« Reply #81 on: Sep 25, 2011, 12:43:32 AM »
Quote from: fishjim on Sep 15, 2011, 01:10:03 AM
Love it, Josharino.

Here's one from my 4-yr old:

Iris:  Wanna hear a joke?
Me:  OK.
Iris:  How many minutes are in one second?
Me:  Uhhhhhh.
Iris:  NONE!

This joke made me laugh harder than any joke I've heard in a while.
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I will meditate and then destroy you!
reebty
Registered user

Posts: 1199
« Reply #82 on: Sep 30, 2011, 12:19:55 PM »
Q: What did the cop say to his stomach?

A: You're under a vest.
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Maaik
Registered user

Posts: 15119
« Reply #83 on: Sep 30, 2011, 01:29:21 PM »
Horse walks into a bar, bartender says "Why the long face?"

The horse says "I have AIDS."
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I need anne the man lessons
davy
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Posts: 24822
« Reply #84 on: Sep 30, 2011, 01:37:22 PM »
jesus
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The drummer IS the foundation, p3wn.
coldforge
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Posts: 11924
« Reply #85 on: Sep 30, 2011, 01:45:05 PM »
booo
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è l'era del terzo mondo.
Ashley
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Posts: 1876
« Reply #86 on: Sep 30, 2011, 02:14:34 PM »
dead babies
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dogg you ain't gotta rustle outside in cloaks of darkness and shit
reebty
Registered user

Posts: 1199
« Reply #87 on: Oct 01, 2011, 05:52:35 AM »
"Doctor, I keep thinking I'm Tom Jones. Is that common?"

"It's not unusual."
« Last Edit: Oct 01, 2011, 05:54:35 AM by reebty » Logged
El_Josharino
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Posts: 7483
« Reply #88 on: Oct 01, 2011, 09:51:22 AM »
Nice.
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Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?
Thermofusion
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Posts: 10000
« Reply #89 on: Oct 01, 2011, 12:24:31 PM »
Reebty you are the spiritual successor to whoever wrote those Scholastic "101 ____ Jokes" books they always sold at our elementary school book fairs.
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triple paisley minimum
RavingLunatic
Registered user

Posts: 6408
« Reply #90 on: Oct 01, 2011, 01:57:03 PM »
Quote from: Thermofusion on Oct 01, 2011, 12:24:31 PM
Reebty you are the spiritual successor to whoever wrote those Scholastic "101 ____ Jokes" books they always sold at our elementary school book fairs.

Haha, yeah, I used to buy those books from our book order catalogs pretty regularly in elementary school. I found one of those somewhere in our house a couple years ago, and oh, the laughs my brothers and I had reading them. Worst joke books ever.
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I will meditate and then destroy you!
Thermofusion
Registered user

Posts: 10000
« Reply #91 on: Oct 01, 2011, 03:43:10 PM »
Oh they were terrible. Mostly the worst puns imaginable, and I can just imagine the poor freelance sap they hired to write those things pounding his skull into the desk in frustration 'cause he's stuck at 97 jokes and can't think of four more. But man I bought a lot of them because they were dirt cheap -- my parents could only afford to give me a few bucks for the book fair so I opted for quantity over quality. I liked how specific the books were. 101 Elephant Jokes, 101 President Jokes. I had one called 101 Hamburger Jokes.
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triple paisley minimum
reebty
Registered user

Posts: 1199
« Reply #92 on: Oct 01, 2011, 05:03:05 PM »
Wow, someone came up 101 jokes about hamburgers? I'd have thought they'd be good for maybe 60 jokes, 70 tops. But why have hamburger jokes when you can have steak jokes?
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G.C.R
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Posts: 6219
« Reply #93 on: Oct 02, 2011, 01:38:59 AM »
I think a hamburger is funnier than a steak.
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I think it's fair to assume we'll be inebriated and covered in bodily effluvia all weekend
Antero
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Posts: 7526
« Reply #94 on: Oct 02, 2011, 01:49:01 AM »
I guess a really good steak joke must be rare.
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Quote from: nonotyet
this has been OPINIONS IN CAPSLOCK
G.C.R
Registered user

Posts: 6219
« Reply #95 on: Oct 02, 2011, 02:12:53 AM »
Well done, sir!
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I think it's fair to assume we'll be inebriated and covered in bodily effluvia all weekend
reebty
Registered user

Posts: 1199
« Reply #96 on: Oct 02, 2011, 02:58:29 AM »
The internet is a good medium for such jokes. But go ahead and pan that one.
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RavingLunatic
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Posts: 6408
« Reply #97 on: Oct 02, 2011, 09:57:36 AM »
Not a steak joke, but I remember once when we went to Bob Evans in Cincinnati and my brother ordered eggs. The waitress asked how he wanted them, and he said "well done."
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I will meditate and then destroy you!
Thermofusion
Registered user

Posts: 10000
« Reply #98 on: Oct 02, 2011, 10:55:38 AM »
A cow sighs as she hangs up the telephone. "Was that your mother complaining about her neighborhood again?" her husband inquires. "Yes," his wife replies. "But I told her it's a bull market and she oughta porterhouse up for sale."
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triple paisley minimum
reebty
Registered user

Posts: 1199
« Reply #99 on: Oct 02, 2011, 11:34:04 AM »
"50 bucks says you can't hit either of those two rib eyes pinned to the ceiling with this dart." 

"Nah, the steaks are too high."


Angel: Get me a stake!

Cordy: It's like 8 in the morning.

Angel: A STAKE!

Cordy: Oh.
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