Quick! Good Lookin Lady at Laundromat! What do I do!

[jebreject]

but produce is the easiest!  I've more than once had a dude ask me how to tell if a pineaapple is ripe or something.  and, as with most things, make it sleazy or sweat with the intonation.

but I was the produce guy! I couldn't ask her how to tell if a pineapple is ripe. It was more limited to shit like, "Oh, Fuji apples? Yeah they're okay, but I find them a bit pedestrian. You should try Braeburns for a more complex taste!" and then I'd get kicked in the nuts or something.

[YojimboMonkey]

Seriously though, Braeburns are the fucking bomb

[jebreject]

Yeah they are!

[DCDave]

Augo, stop being such an AFC.

[bethany_m]

My friend Sonya has the best (meaning worst) produce related pickup line story.  She worked for a restaurant and ran their errands and bought extra ingredients if the usual suppliers couldn't get enough.  She was always buying the local grocery store out of organic carrots and the produce guy would always tease her about it.  So she sees him out at one of the bars one night and he's giving her a hard time, "you sure buy a lot of carrots! And they're all organic!" etc, and she's like not this again and then he busts out with "well, you know, my carrots not organic" and she said "you mean it's full of pesticides?" and walks away. 

As long you don't start comparing the produce to your penis, you'll probably be okay.

[jebreject]

what about to my testicles?

[bethany_m]

That's perfectly acceptable.  Just don't imply that they are full of toxic chemicals.

[das kranke Tier]

But....they are!

[YojimboMonkey]

what about to my testicles?

Are you fucking kidding?  Have you ever seen someone test a melon for ripeness?

[das kranke Tier]

Yeah, but I've also seen people fondle and caress kiwis   

[Greg Nog]

Oh, let's not bring your GCR-voyeurism into this.

[Andrew_TSKS]

you know, i've been in situations like this many times, and NEVER said ANYTHING, so props to you, augo, even if you did totally have trouble coming up with anything to say.

[das kranke Tier]

OT - I'm totally the creepy guy at my laundromat.  I always bring a cooler full of beer with me, sit in my car, drink beer, read, and oggle.

[Augo]

Augo, stop being such an AFC.

 

Dudes I came up with plenty of things to say once I got rolling.  She just didn't seem interested in conversation until I got her to bring up her hometown.  Hittin shit there would not have worked, as we were very much not alone, and the bathroom is private but filthy.  But she smiled, was nice, and I saw her eying me as I was checking her out in the window.

Dudes I got her name.  It's a small town.  Shit ain't over yet.

[milesofsparks]

OT - I'm totally the creepy guy at my laundromat.  I always bring a cooler full of beer with me, sit in my car, drink beer, read, and oggle.

I don't bring beer, but I definitely oggle.  and spend an unnecessary amount of time folding and refolding my underwear, depending on the crowd.

[Doctor Bob]

As long you don't start comparing the produce to your penis, you'll probably be okay.

what about to my testicles?

This reminds me of two... eh, classic lines from Sid the Sexist in Viz many years ago.

Do you like fruit?  Then suck my cock- it's a peach.

Do you like fruit?  Then get your gums around my plums.

*** *** ***

Also, dkT- a cooler full of beer and a car?  Are Florida's drink driving laws a bit more lax than ours?

[das kranke Tier]

Nah, it's just real close to my house and I got balls

[Doctor Bob]

Some mightn't consider it 'balls', fella.  Sayin'.

And if it's that close, maybe the car isn't necessary.  Sorry to be a killjoy.

[das kranke Tier]

I wasn't being entirely serious.  I bring a mini cooler that holds about 4 beers (which I don't usually polish off).

 And it's probably 1 1/2 miles from my house, so a bit too far to trudge it with a bin of laundry.

[C of heartbreak]

Also, 4 beers really isn't that much for a Florida driver.

[das kranke Tier]

Also, 4 beers really isn't that much for a Florida driver.

QFT

I mean especially considering the fact that it's me.  Four's barely enough to quench a man's thirst.

[SPACERACE]

florida does something to tolerances. i drank an entire bottle of ABC rum one time sitting on my couch, in maybe 45 minutes, and was stone fucking sober. my roommate didn't even believe i drank it.

[das kranke Tier]

That's strange that you say that.  I notice that I get crunker more easily when I'm in other states...

[Augo]

You guys are at sea level in FL.  I believe it's much easier to get drunk the higher the elevation you are at.  You don't get as much oxygen per breath at, say 2,500 ft. above sea level as you do when you're, say, 25 ft. above sea level.

[Chet]

No worries dudes.  I just finished a celebratory bottle of wine! 

I was giving up hope.  I was folding my clothes by the front window, and watching her in the reflection (SO CREEPY WOO!) and she kept looking over at me.  But I didn't know what to say.  I had left my bag by her so when I went to grab it on my way out I said, "Man, I'm gonna miss pbs.  I only get to watch it when I'm doing laundry anymore."  She smiled AGAIN but AGAIN said nothing.  So then my friend that I was doing laundry with and I walked next door to the liquor store to get some wine.  I paid as friend was still browsing, and went outside by the car to wait.  She was in the laundromat folding laundry.  She looked up and saw me leaning on the car with wine bottle in hand.  She came out to throw a pair of pants in the car. (? dude who does THAT ?) and I had noticed by the numbers on her license plate that she was from a county adjacent to the county that I was from.  So after a few awkward smiles were exchanged, I leaned over and looked at her license plate and said, "So are you from... Colfax county (a different county adjacent to mine)??" knowing that she was actually from Boone County.  She said, "No, Boone County.  I'm from Albion." And I was all like, "Oh! Yeah I should have known that!  I used to roof houses there..." and then I talked about a big ugly purple house that I had put new shingles on a few years ago that EVERYONE from Albion has to know of.  I mean, its on their two main street's intersection, and it is big, and it is UGLY.  She knew exactly what house I was talking of. 

So eventually I got her name and I was all like "Awesome" and then she said "Have a good night!" and then I drank some wine and smiled a lot.  I'm gonna go check out her facebook now.

Man, you did everything right apart from not ask for her friggin number. You ask for her number. You don't ask for her name and then go stalk her out on facebook. This is exactly what is wrong with our generation.