Depression thread

[Em]

Posted something, then deleted it 'cause who am I to tell someone who's having a really hard time how to get by, but Chet, I know I'm a weird internet stranger but if you want "been there and back" stories, thoughts about the process by which things get better, or practical advice that helped me and might help you, me and, I'm pretty sure, a bunch of other people can provide that, as Ignatius says. Hang in.

[alistarr*]

this is what i get for not reading lptj closely enough - i had completely missed this stuff. anyway, i welcomed chet into my sunny suburban homestead yesterday and we played a bunch of gears of war 2. it was a pretty good time! marcus was very rude though. he kept asking anya questions and then telling her to shut up. i think maybe we are too good at the game now and it gets grumpy at us.

[peacocks]

[Wally]

A couple of friends of mine recently wrote this about their own depression.

http://nottingham.indymedia.org.uk/zines/979

I'd be interested in what people thought.

[Little Sixes Little Nines]

personally, the "depression is society's fault" thing just kinda pisses me off.

[alistarr*]

Tru-View has categorised this page as Violence

[Wally]

Tru-View has categorised this page as Violence

Ha. I guess it's because it has the line "previous issues on privilege and violence can be found at blackiris.wordpress.com".

[peacocks]

personally, the "depression is society's fault" thing just kinda pisses me off.

I mean, there are a lot of cases that are hereditary but you don't think our society or a person's environment has anything to do with any cases at all? Why does the idea piss you off?

[jebreject]

I haven't read Dom's link yet (it's not working for me), but I for one think that late capitalism plays a huge, huge role in mental health, as it is has structured our every day life and our relationships on nearly every level. Our immediate surroundings certainly play in to mental health, so how could it be that society doesn't? I guess we can disagree whether capitalism is fundamentally alienating, or the violence of the state is traumatic for society as a whole or whatever, but even so, it seems difficult to argue that society at large doesn't play a fucking gigantic role in our mental health.

Obviously that does not supersede taking responsibility for yourself (as much as you are able), and people do use some form of "it's society's fault" or other to rationalize all kinds of inaction or outright bad decisions (and again, I haven't yet read the article so I can't say if that's what's happening here, but other anarchist/anti-capitalist responses to the issue of depression that I've read don't take that approach), though even then it's a hell of a lot more complex than that and

personally, the "depression is society's fault" thing just kinda pisses me off.

seems reductive and not at all helpful.

[Little Sixes Little Nines]

yeah, i mean it was completely reductive, but as there were no responses yet, and i didn't have the time or patience to analyse the article in any depth, i just thought it might be a little bit helpful to hear my knee-jerk reaction to the piece, which at the very least would spark discussion (if i hadn't said that jeb, would you have posted your much more helpful paragraph?).

to answer peacocks - i actually do think your environment plays a massive role in depression, but the way the writer seems to take absolutely no responsibility ( " I realise that depression, anxiety, withdrawal and mental instability were and are entirely reasonable and appropriate reactions to a sick society. After all, what does it mean to be well adjusted in such a fucked up world?" ) just, as i said, pisses me off. The article was long, and the page order was messed up, so I'm sure somewhere in the piece it backtracks and gives a little more responsibility to the individual, but yeah, knee-jerk reaction.

[clare]

I haven't read Dom's link yet (it's not working for me), but I for one think that late capitalism plays a huge, huge role in mental health, as it is has structured our every day life and our relationships on nearly every level.

I've not read it yet either, but I was having almost this exact conversation with a (depressed) friend the other day Jeb. He's had to apply for the invalid pension (yet again, but at least it exists here) as he can't work. What I was saying wasn't so much that capitalism causes it, but that capitalism fails to support the mentally ill when they can't work and fulfill their part in society. My friend is a composer, music is pretty much the only thing that gives him any satisfaction, but he can't make a living from it, or from anything else it would seem, as work literally drives him mad. His point was that the pension is only just enough to live on, and it's like being punished for being sick "oh, you can't work? well, you'll always be poor then. suck it up". There is more societal support for people with visible/physical disabilities, but people with mental illness are shunned and really ostracised. Of course there is still discrimination against all disabled people, but the mentally ill really get hit hard.

[jebreject]

I think that's largely true. And I think that looking at mental illness the way we do now, or even being able to diagnose it the way we do now, that's pretty recent. Historically there have been very few methods for dealing with and treating mental illness in a healthy way, so there's that to get over as well. But yeah, so often it's viewed as something you need to just suck it up and get over, which, well, it's not that easy for everyone. It wasn't that easy for me, and I'm one of the lucky ones that's found a good doctor and has been responsive to therapy--not everyone gets the treatment they need. Hell, a lot of people go untreated entirely, making themselves even more miserable because they CAN'T just get over it. And I think you make a really good point about people's place in capitalist society.

[Chet]

Last Sunday I got really, really fucked up. I was actually having quite a good time, but then next thing I know is that I am attempting to hang myself from the like bracket that makes the fire door in my room close. I have threaded one end of my belt through the buckle, then tied the other ended to the bracket, then tied the the thing in a knot around the bracket, crouched down on my chair, then jumped off...then I guess I am choking and whatever, but the bracket gives way under my weight and my whole door like collapses and my flatmate comes and finds me.

Then I'm in the kitchen with security guards, and polices, and paramedics and oh fucking boy. They take me to the hospital, leave me in a stuffy, suffocating room on my own for hours on end, just four walls on a chair. Ask me a bunch of questions, and I guess I answered them in the right way, because then they allow me to wallk back home on my own.

Fucked up shit.

[G.C.R]

FUCK that hospital, big time. They need to have better ways of helping than making you feel like a fucking criminal as some sort of deterrent. Chet, please, I hope you are getting some help with this. 

[Little Sixes Little Nines]

fuck chet, hope you're okay. and yeah, fuck that hospital.

[jebreject]

Chet, please, PLEASE stop getting drunk.

[Chet]

This is sound advice I intend to take heed of.

and thanks for the concern guys, I do have a pretty good support network right now. Gonna be working really hard on this staying alive thing.

[milesofsparks]

Chet:

[Nick Ink]

and thanks for the concern guys, I do have a pretty good support network right now. Gonna be working really hard on this staying alive thing.

That's good to hear man - you need your people.

[jm]

What jeb said, what GCR said, and what mos said.  This is a really hard topic for me, because of stuff that happened about ten years ago, but man if there's anything I can say to you that keeps you from ever considering trying this again, I want to say it.  Glad to hear you have a support network (and I'm assuming/hopeful that it involves a large in-person component).

[Anne the Man]

Fuck I've only just got to this thread. Holy Jesus Chet, I hope you can get some help with this. Please keep staying alive.

[Em]

Chet, please, PLEASE stop getting drunk.

Stop drinking PERIOD dude, for awhile anyway. It just makes you more impulsive and your impulses aren't serving you so well right now. Be good to yourself.

[jebreject]

Yes. That.

[Anne the Man]

My best friend is depressed and having panic attacks and not getting out of bed. I'm filling the position of being an only friend and that's no good. I contacted a couple of her friends yesterday and asked them to please go hang with her. They said they thought she hadn't wanted to hang out with them because they tried to arrange stuff and it never really took off. I KNEW shit like that would happen; she doesn't put herself out there enough to make friend connections, because I guess making friends is work she's way out of practice with, and her self-esteem is in the toilet so any barrier will make her stop trying. I'm afraid that because she's not a fighter or selfish by nature she's not going to fight the depression, and she'll lie down and let it wash over her because she thinks she deserves it or some bullshit. I don't know what to do; I know it's not my responsibility to fix her and I can't do it anyway, but I can't be this only friend. I fucking miss her good company too, she was once the person I would take to parties as an awesome wingman to do awesome stuff with, rather than someone who needed looking after because she's miserable and has forgotten how to socialise. She sometimes says stuff to me like "you're the only person I really need to have a good time" and it is not a compliment but makes me uncomfortable and annoyed, because it's patently untrue. I want to go see her to try help but it takes so much emotional energy for me to even muster that. Hopefully these other friends will help her out soon; I'm afraid they'll forget or something--unlikely, but I mean people have their own lives, and if you shut yourself off from them for ages on end it's little wonder that they won't come check on you when you need it. Gah.

Fuck. Sorry for a giant block of txt/rant, but it's been vicariously stressing me out for awhile. It's hard for me to have the great time which I usually have while I know that my best friend is probably huddled in bed feeling sorry for herself. Also it's fucking unfair that some people are depressive types and this happens; if I could just inject some endorphins and self-esteem into her I would--god knows I have more than enough to spare. Blah.

[RavingLunatic]

Lots of for you and you're friend. It's really admirable of you to stand by her, but it sucks that anyone has to do it. Hang in there, both of you.

Why does shit like this happen, anyways? I few days ago I had about three really good days in a row.  I mean, when I have a day where I don't feel like shit for more than an hour or two, that's a really good day, even if it's just normal for anyone else. I just feel like there's no reason I couldn't live a normal life and get a normal job and get a lot of reading done and live outside of my parents' house like any normal 27-year-old. Then I have a day like today and it's just all hopeless. Couldn't sleep last night and so was up from about 1:30 AM to 5 AM. Completely lethargic and listless all day today with all kinds of gut pain and bowel problems. Then this evening I just started hurting all over, legs, shoulders, head. I can't walk more than a quarter miles without getting to tired to keep going, and I feel embarrassed to even go outside anyhow. About five days ago I ran five miles, walked the dogs six or seven miles, mowed the lawn, and umpired two games and felt fine. Now I can't hardly get up and walk around. Ugh.

I don't know how much of it has to do with the tramadol pain pills I still can't stop taking, but it can't help. I did finally get in contact with an addiction specialist guy who's the father of one of my brother's college friends. He's pretty big time, works with major professional athletes and the like, and he's supposed to get back to me soon when he finds the right doctor for me. I hope something works out, but I feel pretty hopeless at the moment.