Depression thread

[peacocks]

I hope it's good too!

[jebreject]

Good luck, Bri!

[peacocks]

also jeb I'm glad you're feeling better! Easier said than done, but don't be too hard on yourself.

[Lucy]

Hang in there, Jebbo!

[RoyBiggins]

I think my appointment went pretty well.  I have a scrip for some medicine, at least, that is supposed to give me a bit of a let up.  Doctors sure do cost a fuckton of money, though.  I'll be glad when my insurance starts being halfway decent again in January.

[citrus]

Oh wow, I just noticed I posted in this thread back in the day. I have had some seriously more extreme ups and downs since then, just the nature of the beast, I think. I'm feeling better today than I have in months, though. Partly because I finally almost got a job again. Almost as in I'm registered with a temp agency that seems really promising. Still a little paranoid on and off though, so it's huge that I am posting on here again. Kind of a desensitization thing I guess.

[cold before sunrise]

citrus: being released back into society after a bought as a test subject for alien experimentation. you've been blood-let daily for the past month, are weakened from a diet of survival crackers there's mysteriously a case of onboard the ship and raw milk from the cows also abducted for experimentation and genetic scans. there's a possibility of you being host to extraterrestrial microbes. nasa is on the hunt for you now.

[Babar]

What cbs means to say is have a good day and hope you find a job. 

[Em]

Much internets support to everyone going through a hard time. I feel for all y'all.

For my part, I had a pretty awful episode last month, precipitated no doubt by my decision to go off most of my meds because I was really fed up with not being able to lose the extra weight--I really work at it and get nowhere, with the lithium and the Abilify being the most likely offenders. I rapidly lost about 20 pounds, but then things got so bleak I could barely function. I had to go to my bosses and explain the situation (I had really hoped to avoid that, but they were super cool and supportive about it, which I'm thankful for). I agreed to go back on the Abilify and up my dose of Lamictal, one or the other or both of which caused the weight to pile right back on, plus we added a calcium channel blocker just to see if it would help. It did seem to mitigate a bounce-back manic episode pretty effectively, but then yesterday I managed to pass out sitting down, so it's dangerous for me to keep taking something that lowers my already-low blood pressure so much. Things are pretty good; I'm just sick of being fat when I eat exceedingly reasonably, get plenty of exercise, and have a naturally athletic build. Aaargh. Juggling medications sucks.

[cold before sunrise]

What cbs means to say is have a good day and hope you find a job. 

glad you picked up on that. essentially i mean, it could be worse. so yeah, enjoy your day and good luck, it's really not so bad.

[peacocks]

Much internets support to everyone going through a hard time. I feel for all y'all.

For my part, I had a pretty awful episode last month, precipitated no doubt by my decision to go off most of my meds because I was really fed up with not being able to lose the extra weight--I really work at it and get nowhere, with the lithium and the Abilify being the most likely offenders. I rapidly lost about 20 pounds, but then things got so bleak I could barely function. I had to go to my bosses and explain the situation (I had really hoped to avoid that, but they were super cool and supportive about it, which I'm thankful for). I agreed to go back on the Abilify and up my dose of Lamictal, one or the other or both of which caused the weight to pile right back on, plus we added a calcium channel blocker just to see if it would help. It did seem to mitigate a bounce-back manic episode pretty effectively, but then yesterday I managed to pass out sitting down, so it's dangerous for me to keep taking something that lowers my already-low blood pressure so much. Things are pretty good; I'm just sick of being fat when I eat exceedingly reasonably, get plenty of exercise, and have a naturally athletic build. Aaargh. Juggling medications sucks.

Glad to hear from you again! That is rough, I can't imagine. How does that even work? I can imagine having a frustrating body that doesn't look the way you want even when you eat like a rabbit and exercise plenty, and that effin sucks. Good luck!

[Em]

Thanks, peacocks. I don't really know how it works. The way it's been explained to me, certain medications just have metabolic effects that are more/less severe in different people, and I've always been super-sensitive to psychiatric medications in general. The rapidity of the weight loss/gain when going off/on certain medications continues to baffle me, however. 

[jebreject]

Stay strong, Em. Glad you're back with us on LPTJ.

[jebreject]

I think I have more thoughts on your post but I should be working right now

[Em]

Thanks, Jeb. Thoughts always very much welcome.

[DCDave]

Hey guys, I know we have a very active and engaged and supportive community here at LPTJ for depression but as some of you may or may not know I quit my DoD job a while ago and I work at www.patientslikeme.com now and it's a social network for people with a variety of conditions and we do decent in mood and some of our medication information is, at least, more "crowd-sourced" than WebMD and I'm not only an employee I'm also a participant for my dysthymia (the least of all of the depressions) so there is that.

[elpollodiablo]

I did not know that Dave! I hope you're finding the work rewarding.

[DCDave]

It's healthcare, so it's really, really frustrating. But ultimately quasi-rewarding.

[Em]

Dave, that sounds really cool, I will check it out.

Ugh, I should not act all, "veteran bipolar patient, totes in control" when things are actually spinning somewhat out of control. Very sad plus a LOT of uncomfortable energy is an unpleasant combination, one which led to an unfortunate incident that will leave an unsightly scar. That's a lot of words with the prefix -un in one sentence. I'm crazy ashamed of myself 'cause I really thought I was past that particular behavior. I been working so hard on my mindfulness, for real! So what's with the bad shit going down during VERY unmindful states?

I did manage to drag myself to my meditation group this morning, and although I probably would have convinced myself to sit for awhile on my own anyway, it was nice to have some other people there. I need to not drop out of all the activities that I'm resistant to when I get this way but which actually help a lot.

[fishjim]

Hey Em! Glad to see you here, though sorry to hear things are tough again. You're doing the right thing by posting. And props for putting those CBT (or DBT?) skills to use and getting yourself to groups. In my experience, it's been groups that get us through bad episodes when we can't quite do it ourselves because of med changes/sleep probs/job stress etc.. But it's up to us to get ourselves to those groups.

[jebreject]

Hey Em! Glad to see you here, though sorry to hear things are tough again. You're doing the right thing by posting. And props for putting those CBT (or DBT?) skills to use and getting yourself to groups. In my experience, it's been groups that get us through bad episodes when we can't quite do it ourselves because of med changes/sleep probs/job stress etc.. But it's up to us to get ourselves to those groups.

Yes. This. Definitely.

Also, please try not to be too hard on yourself. You're still figuring this all out, you know?

[G.C.R]

I don't think anyone gets this stuff right, even when you've been dealing with it for a time. Depression's so tricky, it keeps finding new ways to trip you up when you think you've got it sorted.
That Bio-oil shit is pretty good for the scars. Please don't give yourself any more, and please feel better soon, Em.

[peacocks]

I don't think anyone gets this stuff right, even when you've been dealing with it for a time. Depression's so tricky, it keeps finding new ways to trip you up when you think you've got it sorted.
That Bio-oil shit is pretty good for the scars. Please don't give yourself any more, and please feel better soon, Em.

yep   yep   yep

my professional person suggested that I take this supplement called SAM-E. I bought some and I took the first one this morning. She said it would help put me  in a better mood and keep me focused at work. It was interesting and sort of relieving to talk about depression as something I have now rather than something I am always.

[cold before sunrise]

MAN I KEEP opening this thread expecting stories about frugality, maybe bank heists. 

[fishjim]

MAN I KEEP opening this thread expecting stories about frugality, maybe bank heists. 

Give it a couple years, sunrise