Depression thread

[Ignatius]

I am fucked. Though the past five years or so have not been without plenty of trying times and desperate mistakes on my part, I sort of felt like I'd been building something halfway good. Or at least learning to handle trouble more effectively and recognizing the steps I needed to take to get back to health.

I don't know why I thought I was somehow beyond the possibility of a complete, life-swallowing breakdown, but it's coming again. I'm trying to remember how it was that I got through the other two times it's been so bad, and I just can't see myself dealing with all that again. It took entire years just to crawl out, and now I'm all the way back.

[Chet]

You have beat this before. You WILL beat it again. And it will be easier this time because you have learnt all the special moves like in street fighter. Hang in there.

[cold before sunrise]

we're approaching blue monday, the most depressing day of the year. if you can ride it out the spring brings good things (like baby bunny rabbits and showers of cherry blossom petals).

[peacocks]

You have beat this before. You WILL beat it again. And it will be easier this time because you have learnt all the special moves like in street fighter. Hang in there.

YES!

[Ashley]

Boy is down down down and there's nothing I can do to help him.

[Bernard]

x

[Nick Ink]

Iggy, I don't know what I can possibly say except that I am bloody sorry to hear that you have maximum blues. Also, the amount of time it took to get positive before isn't necessarily the time it will take again. Anyway, I'll just shut up and say I wish you well, mate.

[jebreject]

Chet and Nick are both right. No matter how scary it feels, you're better equipped to handle it now. It's still likely to be rough, but you know the most important thing: that you can do this. There's an other side.

Stay strong, Igs.

[alex]

Yep, listen to the smart people above. You're one of the coolest people around here as far as I'm concerned, Iggy, so I sincerely hope you'll be able to pull yourself out of this again quickly.

[clare]

Another vote for the "you've BTDT, so you know how it goes" school of thought. I often find the start of a crash really scary (but that's because it triggers feelings from the past) and if I can get past that (yay mindfulness) I know it's only a matter of time. Stay strong mate.

[jebreject]

Another vote for the "you've BTDT, so you know how it goes" school of thought. I often find the start of a crash really scary (but that's because it triggers feelings from the past) and if I can get past that (yay mindfulness) I know it's only a matter of time. Stay strong mate.

Yes, this, exactly. I don't know how many times I've felt like "oh shit, this again" and wanted to crawl under a blanket and prepare to not leave my house for a year, but it never really lasts. It's just that feeling is so scary, thinking I could slide back into it so easily.

[Ignatius]

Thanks, I appreciate what everyone is saying... I think I've been deep in it for a while, and convincing myself otherwise or something until now. It's so bad. I can't do this. I can't take it now, I couldn't take it the last time, and I won't be able to take it when it ruins me again in another five years or whatever. It's terrifying to think about how much more I'll have to lose with each iteration.

[Ignatius]

Did we have a thingy about health insurance for people without health insurance? Maybe RL was involved.

[fishjim]

Thanks, I appreciate what everyone is saying... I think I've been deep in it for a while, and convincing myself otherwise or something until now. It's so bad. I can't do this. I can't take it now, I couldn't take it the last time, and I won't be able to take it when it ruins me again in another five years or whatever. It's terrifying to think about how much more I'll have to lose with each iteration.

Hey Iggy, I've been exactly there. I won't try to argue you out of this line of thinking, except to say it can, does, and will disappear.

I see you mentioned insurance problems. Are you covered enough to keep up on medication?

[clare]

There have been threads about healthcare, and RL has definitely had things to say about it, but I couldn't find the thread  in my cursory search, sorry.

[Ignatius]

Well, I talked to my dad and my stepmom about what was going on, and let some friends know how I was doing... I've never had an easy time asking anyone for any kind of help at all, until it gets too late and I can only express this awful, needy desperation. Anyway, my stepmother went to bat for me and called a former psychiatrist friend of hers, and I'm going to speak to him later today. I don't know what's going to happen, but it's been at least 7 years since I made any real effort to deal with this, and they haven't gone well.

[Nick Ink]

That sounds like a positive step to me. Good luck Ig.

[fishjim]

That sounds like a positive step to me. Good luck Ig.

I know I just said in the family thread that having kids is the most therapeutic thing I've ever done, which is true - but since I see myself a bit in you Iggy (maybe it's just movie theater employee solidarity, maybe not) i should also say i will never go off my SSRI again in my life. I'm on 150mg Effexor from here to eternity.

[Em]

Good luck man. I hope it goes well.

[hannah]

Iggy, been thinking about you. You are a good igg. I first went on my super-expensive medication (Cymbalta) that more or less saved my life when I was unemployed—I went to a low-cost clinic (something like $30/appointment, so still pricey) that was able to supply me with free samples. Worth asking around.

[jess]

Lot of good stuff said here, and yeah, it's that rumination and feelings of dread about the depression that tends to make it worse. I think that's one way a good therapist can be useful—there are good techniques for reducing that aspect of it (like mindfulness), and while no one can instantly make the depression disappear, they can help prevent that snowballing and help you find ways to stay engaged with your life.

Whether it's pharmacological and/or psychological treatment (often a combo of both is the best bet IMO), it's really really common for it take a few tries to find the right approach for an individual. Good luck, Iggy. Seems like a really positive step to be talking about it and getting support.

FYI, Nick, Effexor is an SNRI, not an SSRI. Similar but slightly different class of drugs.

Btw, a number of psych meds are quite inexpensive (under $10/month), so if not having insurance is an issue, be sure to mention it upfront to any psychiatrist, so they can take that into consideration when prescribing and avoid the non-generic stuff. A lot of times there's a large degree of guesswork/throw meds at the problem and see what sticks to psychiatry, so they may as well start with the affordable stuff, and plenty of effective meds are available as generics. Only thing that I am sometimes wary of taking in generic form is extended release meds—those can vary a lot by manufacturer, because it's the non-medication components that make them extended release.

[Nick Ink]

FYI, Nick, Effexor is an SNRI, not an SSRI. Similar but slightly different class of drugs.

Er, not important, but you mean 'fishjim'?

My drug expertise is more in the pituitary supplement area.

[jess]

FYI, Nick, Effexor is an SNRI, not an SSRI. Similar but slightly different class of drugs.

Er, not important, but you mean 'fishjim'?

My drug expertise is more in the pituitary supplement area.

Oops, yes, sorry!

[fishjim]

FYI, Nick, Effexor is an SNRI, not an SSRI. Similar but slightly different class of drugs.

Er, not important, but you mean 'fishjim'?

My drug expertise is more in the pituitary supplement area.

Yeah, you're right. I've come to use SSRI as shorthand for "new-fangled antidepressant" - which is misleading, so thanks for clarifying.

It's turned out that way because I was put on Prozac (an SSRI) when I was 15, and went off it a few years later. Crashed in college and was put on Zoloft (another SSRI) and went off it a few years later, too. Crashed again. Somehow got back on Zoloft and entered my 30s, at which point I got engaged & got a poetry fellowship. Hooray! I'm kicking ass and going off Zoloft!! Crash BURN BURN BURNNN.

Took me 2 years and every therapy & psych med on the market to get launched again. Jettisoned the anti-psychotics after about 6 mos of stability and I've been hurtling into deep space on Effexor ever since.

[peacocks]

hurtling into deep space is a good thing, then. You're the enterprise, not the voyager?