INTERLOCUTOR: Holy balls, what stinks in here?
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INTERLOCUTOR: I mean that is just an incredible smell, I think I'm going to fall over.
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INTERLOCUTOR: You're really kind of into it though, I can tell. How's your health?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Your gum smells like sweet honeydew and cola. What flavor is it?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Who is the man that would risk his neck for his brother man?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Shut your mouth! What has inspired this rad dreamlike two-strings-in-harmony guitar solo in the song "The Sadist King and the Generalissimo of Pain"?
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INTERLOCUTOR: My grandmother has asked for an excellent new death metal album for her birthday. I tried to explain to her that my friends and I only really like black metal, because it's totally funny but also sometimes it reminds me of My Bloody Valentine, who are just so awesome. She hit me when I said that! With a hammer, in my face! What should I buy my grandmother to prevent her from harming my wine-tasting black metal ass any further?
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INTERLOCUTOR: You know, I have way more extreme stuff that this in my collection. I don't see what the big deal is. When, after making comments like this, the police find me in a ditch somewhere, dressed in a Jessica Rabbit costume which was visibly forced onto my body while I was unconscious, what will they conclude was the cause of my humiliation?
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INTERLOCUTOR: The last minute and a half of the song "Killing for Company" remind me of what summer vacation might have been like if the whole family had just really let their baser natures get the better of them. Primal id stuff in a blue Chevy 4-door. Can you dig it? And if you can, would you kindly express your agreement in the form of a two-word band name beginning with "Prostitute" and ending with "Disfigurement"?
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INTERLOCUTOR:In the song "Sworn to Degeneracy," the singer from what band appears at one point to be saying "sue my desperate lawyers"?
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INTERLOCUTOR: What?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Who?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Where?
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INTERLOCUTOR: When, if time were senseless violence?
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INTERLOCUTOR: Please, allow me to represent a caricature of a common critical stance for a moment. I don't like this music! It's not experimental enough! It isn't pushing the envelope! It isn't taking metal to new places! It's just making a big fucking bloody mess! What band is this?
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INTERLOCUTOR: May I continue? It gives me pleasure. For me, metal is best when it's a little cerebral. Some of these bands just seem like the exact same kind of guys who just rear up and clock you if you look at them wrong at the Pig Destroyer show. I hate those guys! Still, I dream about them sometimes. In my dream, what is the name of the coffee shop at whose marble tables we settle our differences over a relaxing game of Othello?
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INTERLOCUTOR: You have seen into the hidden mists of my unconscious! Got any music recommendations for me?